Carbonation

Making friends with this rebellion nation
The nerves dance down like carbonation
Normal’s not meeting the expectation
Check the blood, there’s no relation

just another fish in the sea

Jump in the mainstream
Drown in normality
Immerse in conformity
A fish lost at sea

Streamline of unconsciousness
School of mindless blurs
Barely part of this world
The stream congested with falsity

Clouded in darkness
Trapped in murky sediment
Moving one after another;
same rate, same time

Never knowing what to wonder
Never wondering what to know
Never growing or changing
Never living with intent

A ray of sun peeks through the sky
Hitting the stream on it's sweet spot
Reflecting a rainbow
For the world to see

And one by one
The puzzle falls apart
The radiant light dances
On the ripples of water

Each piece breaking away
Defying nature
Starting its own path;
its own flow

Opening their eyes
It's all crystal clear
Sensational revelation
Finally becoming

The uniformity of the subdued population
Has now reconstructed
Into a harmonious habitation of autonomy
And a world of individualistic thought

Watching the stream I remove my sunglasses
and continue on the path basking in the sunlight.

I wave hello

I wave hello to the punks and the sluts
There goes Nicki Minaj on a fire truck
I wave hello to the janitor guy
Darell’s the name keys jingle by
I like the boy on the scooter
He waves to me
before he crashes in the tree
By the time I get there to check it out
He’s already on his paper route
Post that crazy shiz on da blog
I'm makin music vids as I walk the dog
The boom’s on my shoulder
My life be like
I wave goodbye
And steal the bike
It’s a race I’m winning I’m winning
Flat tire, Flat jack
Time for second breakfast

***rap to the tune of “The Dumbest Thing I Have Ever Written”

Counting Down

Our days are numbered.
We are almost done;
almost won.
Watching our final achievement approach--
closer, closer.
Glimpses are all we know,
waiting for awareness.
Stuck in the binds of anticipation;
of frustration.
The sands run slowly,
but my heart beats fast.

The open road lies before us,
but we are left static;
left erratic.
Packing up our pasts,
to make room for our futures.
Tasting freedom on our tongues,
but our taste buds are tinged with a bitter note.
Memories flash past,
gone too fast
Auld Lang Syne lingers,
But our fingers are on fast forward.

Everything we want
personifies smoke;
is it a joke?
Visually attractive,
yet somehow intangible.
The reality of the situation
has yet to set in.
Time flashes before our eyes,
need to realize.
Thirteen years of dreams
are about to come true.

Taking my final walk
My saunter seems to slow;
all alone.
Crossing the finish line,
Awarded with personal triumph.
The room is silent; still
within my blurry vision.
My unsteady legs come to a stop;
nearly drop.
I finally grasp the ticket
to the rest of my life.

Perspective

I found this picture online and really like it. Thought I would share :) It reminds me how truly fortunate I am.

Rebirth

What does it even matter
The thoughts in my head refute
A tear rolls down my face
I am losing this race

Values are subjective
I need what is best for me
Auspicious thoughts fill my head
But falling flat is what I dread

Preparing to secede
But I am not yet done
My time is not long
I must be strong

My potential lies in the distance
My longing hand reaches out
As I turn over a new leaf
I have new found belief

For better or for worse
This is the only way I know
My obstacles are like friends
I will continue until the end

Behind Closed Eyes

Your eye lids seal you off from the rest of the world. You can dive into the pool of thoughts contained in your brain and conjure up anything you want. You can see into the future. You can reflect on the past. When you close your eyes, there are no limits. There are no hurdles in your way. The world is laid out for you; you just have to decide how you want to use it. When you close your eyes you stop your innermost thoughts from spilling out for everyone to hear; a container for your wildest fantasies and deepest feelings. A filter that allows you to decide what can come out and what must stay in. Every time you close your eyes, for just a blink or for a long sleep, you unlock the door to yourself. When you close your eyes you simply see blackness, but beyond that blackness is the mystery of yourself waiting to be unraveled.

Nothing But A Memory

Dust swirls encircle me,
Missing in the shadows.
Forced into solitude,
Like an old broken toy.

Endlessly wandering,
Whispers fade to silence
As I attempt to advance.
Replaced, there is no room.

A race to get off the road,
Is it really so bad?
Slow down, Let me catch up.
A speck in your rearview mirror.

As the world pulls you ahead,
New life, new town, new memories.
I continue alone on this one-way street
Farther and farther from your future.

With nothing but faded photographs,
I continue to walk.

I am Ready

I was born a Roman Catholic. Baptized as a little baby, unaware of what was happening. I went to CCD classes in second grade where

I was taught about the stories in the Bible, but I didn't comprehend them and I hardly remember any at all. I

made my first holy communion in my little white dress even though I didn't understand the significance. I picked my confirmation name, Cecilia, completely arbitrarily. I made my first confessions to childish things like accidentally losing my dad's favorite pen. I was "religious" --but not really. Then again who is at age 7? After that my religious life went downhill. I can count on one hand the number of times that I have gone to church

since then. None of what I did in my younger years holds any value anymore. But I wish more than anything that it still did. I want to be religious.

I am attracted to religious people because I wish I was them. I want that rock; that constant support and guidance in my life. I'm ready for it. But I'm not ready for it. I want and try so hard to believe in God, but the idea is so unbelievable and amazing that I can't even fathom it. I don't want to go to church just to go through the motions; I want to feel it and believe it. Sometimes I

want to pray for a sign, but I can't pray to God if I'm questioning

his existence. I need proof. I don't even know if I am truly Roman Catholic. I know my beliefs morally, but I don't know how that relates religiously. I don't know who I am or where I stand. I don't want force-fed religion like when I was younger. I need to know my options so I can decide what I believe. Does it even matter if I'm Catholic or Lutheran or Orthodox or Mormon or Presbyterian?

Does the label make a difference?

I don't even know what the differences are. I am lost in a religious jungle without a map or even a sense of direction. And I'm afraid that I will never be able to find my way out.

Disconnected

The bodies are forced in replay from day to day
Sometimes the world stops and falls away
And I'm still here
All my things have dissappeared

The materials walk away and i dont miss them
I try to understand while my mind turns numb
You don't have to wait for me
In this new solitude i feel free

Alone and disconnected
There is someone else here too, but they are silhouetted
They don't have a name or a face
But atleast i know they are in this place

I return to real as my mind patiently heals
The passage softens and I visit back often
I pray it captures me again
There is no justice in this pen

You're empty but you're still there
I wonder if you care
And can you hear me?

Sherbet

My new food obsession is sherbet. I love it and eat it all of the time. My obsession started partially because I love frozen treats and partially because I am sick and it feels so good and refreshing on my throat. I feel like sherbet is the sort of underdog of frozen desserts. Ice cream gets all of the glory. And don't get me wrong, I am a HUGE ice cream fan, but I think we just need to give sherbet a chance. My favorite brand is the Walmart Great Value kind. It is so creamy and fruity and delicious. I also feel healthier eating sherbet because the package says fat free. Even though it still is packed with sugar. I love the raspberry flavor the most. Closely followed by orange. But while Google image searching for the above photos, I found out that there is also pineapple and peach! It's like a whole new world of sherbet that I was never exposed to before now. I can't wait to try them all! So the moral of the story is, give sherbet a chance because its a nice switch up from ice cream and comes in many delicious flavors.

The City of Lights

A couple days ago I had an interesting and devastating dream. Normally I dont even remember my dreams and if I do they are forgotten quickly. Usually i dream of being kidnapped, my biggest fear. This dream was different. I haven't been able to forget about it I just keep remembering it. I told a few people about it, but I still kept thinking about it so I decided to blog it out and get it off my chest.

It was the end of the world/cleansing of the earth. The entire earth/land turned to water, but we weren't drowning. The land had shallow parts with little islands just under the surface of the water so we were fine. Then the most beautiful, indescribable and amazing lights anyone had ever saw appeared in the distance in a nearby city. My dad knew we had to go to the lights. He said something like if there is anything that pretty and touchable we want to be by it, and we dont want to be the ones in the darkness. We followed him because he was so sure that we needed to leave our current town. Before we left we tried to convince other families to come with us to "the city of lights". No one wanted to leave their homes. In their mind they were happy where they were. Everything was going perfect. Why would they leave their homes to go to an unusual and unfamiliar place. They didn't know what the lights were and they were too scared for the change. My family left. When we arrived at the lights they were beautiful and the land was great. We were very happy and glad we had gone to the lights. Then a giant monsterous and evil shark/whale came flying out of the water right below our family. It disappeared shooting up so high it went through the clouds. What goes up must come down so we knew it would come back right to us. I started swimming for my life so fast I was so scared. I heard my dad calling to me "no cait come back we have to stay by the lights" I knew if I stayed the shark would eat me. I kept swimming. I was terrified, swimming so fast I barely noticed the shark swimming downstream toward all the people who didn't go to the lights and me! my family was safe. It wasn't until this moment when the location of "the city of lights" became obvious. It was on the top of a mountain. It was higher than all the other lands, and all the rest was downhill. So why would the shark turn around and swim up a mile to eat my family when he could just swim down the mountain and eat the rest of the world. It was so obvious at this point but before I was sure that the shark would eat us at the lights. At this moment of realization I never felt so bad in my entire life. I felt like a traitor and that I had betrayed my family. I felt so bad that I was so prideful. I thought I knew everything and I only trusted myself and my own instinct. I didn't have faith and I didn't listen. I was just crying and crying as I was swimming as fast as I could knowing that I would soon be eaten by the shark. I have never regreted anything this much before, and there was no turning back. If I turned around I would be inbetween the shark and the people down below. I wouldn't stand a chance.

At this point the dream ended and I woke up. I was just crying and crying after I woke up in my bed. I felt so bad, the same way I felt in the dream even when I was awake. A feeling of emptiness and dissappointment. It was really a humbling experience, and I knew that I didn't know everything I thought I did. Now usually when I wake up from a dream then fall back asleep I can never finish the dream and sometimes I even want to know what happens but I never can. But this time, strangely, I did.

This part of the dream was a little blurry to me, but somehow I was saved I stayed ahead of the shark and kept swimming while it stopped to eat all the others in the world and I made it all the way back up to the lights. When I was reunited with my family they were all crying and hugging me. I was so lucky and they were so grateful. It was my second chance. They kept saying you're getting a second chance. I was so happy that I was okay but I was still a little shaken up about the whole experience and was not myself. I told my family how the shark ate everyone in the world and it was only our little family and the others that were at the city of lights. Then Nicole, my sister, recieved a text message and said that she had just heard from her friend danny that he was fine down at the bottom. I was so confused I saw the shark eat everyone. Then she assured me that he went inside a building along with a few others when they saw the shark coming.

Then I felt like I was in a seperate dream, or even real life. I was warming up at an indoor track meet with the others on my team. It was a huge and very important meet and everyone was very serious and intense, nervously warming up and getting ready to run. I kept trying to tell everyone about the whole story, because it was all I could think about, kind of like right now. Everyone kept telling me to be quiet and ignoring me. They didn't care or undersdtand why I would be making up this nonsense when they were too busy with their own lives and the meet. I was slowly turning invisible and each person I told acknowledged me less until eventually they couldn't hear me anymore. Then out of now where my english teacher, who would never be at a track meet, stood up and said "now who heard about that whale shark?" everything paused and everyone stopped and looked at me. They were all amazed that I was right about the whole story and they didn't believe before but now they knew.

Hatin' on Valentine's Day Haters

I realize that this post is a little late for Valentine's day, but I just didn't get around to posting until now. I love Valentine's day. And I'm not really sure how you couldn't love it. Parties. Cards. Love in the air. Free candy. Any holiday with free food is a good one in my book. But still some people just hate Valentine's day. Some because it's a "Hallmark holiday". Which is partially true. There is no historical/religious value to it. But I think love is prevalent enough in everyone's lives to have its own holiday. Everyone is loved and/or loves someone else. Other people hate it because they don't have a valentine to share it with. Which is kinda stupid. I don't have a valentine and I still greatly appreciate the holiday. I think the people who hate it because they don't have a valentine are just throwing themselves a little pity party and just looking for attention by proclaiming their lack of a valentine. Get over yourself. Just eat your candy hearts and be happy. You may not have a "valentine", but you are loved. Whether you know it or not. Valentine's day should be celebrated by everyone. Save your hatin' for St.Patrick's day.

This is Country Music

Country Music is very underrated. They aren’t derogatory towards women and actually tend to have meaning. Don’t get me wrong I like rap and hip-hop but it’s all about sex and drugs. Country is always a nice change to listen and I am about to tell you why. Here is country music at a glimpse:

Some songs are about struggles that others have to go through:

“Temporary Home” – Carrie Underwood

“Young mom on her own.
She needs a little help, got nowhere to go.
She's lookin' for a job, lookin' for a way out,
Because a half-way house will never be a home.
At night she whispers to her baby girl,
Someday we'll find our place here in this world.”

Some are just feel good songs:

“Toes”- Zac Brown Band

“I got my toes in the water, ass in the sand

Not a worry in the world, a cold beer in my hand

Life is good today, life is good today.”

Songs of love:

“Our kind of love” Lady Antebellum

Just like driving on an open highway
Never knowing what we're gonna find
Just like two kids, baby, always trying to live it up
Whoa, yeah, that's our kind of love
Mhm that's our kind of love.”

Songs of heartbreak:

“Lucky Girl”-Kellie Pickler

“Lucky Boy

Did you tell her she’s your second choice?

‘cause I wouldn’t be your little toy.

Ain’t no man inside her lucky boy.”

Songs telling a story:

“Baby Girl” Sugarland

"Dear Mom and Dad,
I’ll send money. I’m so rich that it ain’t funny.
It oughtta be more than enough to get you through.
Please don’t worry 'cause I’m all right,
I’m stayin’ here at the Ritz tonight
Whaddya know, we made our dreams come true.
And there are fancy cars and diamond rings,
But you know that they don't mean a thing.
They all add up to nothin' compared to you.
Well, remember me in ribbons an' curls.
I still love you more than anything in the world...
Love,
Your baby girl."

Songs respecting women:

“Waiting on a woman” Brad Paisley

“It’ll be the same with your young wife

Might as well go on and get used to it,

She’ll take her time ‘cause you don’t mind.

Waitin’ on a woman.”

Songs proudly saying where they came from:

“Small town USA” –Justin Moore

“Give me Saturday night, my baby by my side.

A little Hank Jr. and a six pack of lights,

Old dirt road and I’ll be just fine.

Give me a Sunday morning full of grace

A simple life and I’ll be okay here in small town USA.”

Songs embracing their country-ness:

“We Rode in Trucks”- Luke Bryan

“It was huntin’ and fishin’ and football games.

Then it was girls, and everything changed, in our lives.

Fallin’ in and out of love, we rode in trucks.”

Songs with life messages/advice, these are my favorite lyrics:

“Love Like Crazy”- Lee Brice

“Be your best friend, tell the truth, and overuse I love you.

Go to work, do your best, don’t outsmart your common sense.

Never let your praying knees get lazy

And love like crazy.”

Songs about relaxing and enjoying life (usually with a beer):

“Pretty Good at Drinking Beer”- Billy Currington

“So hand me one more,

That’s what I’m here for, I’m built for having a ball.

I love the nightlife, I love my budlight.

I like em’ cold and tall.”

Songs about America:

“American Ride”- Toby Keith

“That’s us, that’s right,

Gotta love this American Ride.

Both ends of the ozone burnin’

Funny how the world keeps turnin’

Look ma, no hands, I love this American ride.”

Songs reflecting life:

“House that built me”- Miranda Lambert

“You Leave home, you move on,

And you do the best you can.

I got lost in this whole world

And forgot who I am.”

Songs about finding yourself:

“American Honey”- Lady Antebellum

“There’s a wild, wild whisper blowing in the wind.

Calling out my name like a long lost friend.

Oh, I miss those days as the years go by,

Oh, nothing’s sweeter than summertime,

And American honey.”

Songs about working hard:

“Farmer’s Daughter”- Rodney Atkins

“I was haulin’ hay and feedin’ the hogs

And that summer sun had me sweatin’ like a dog,

So I cooled off in the creek.

Then it was back to work in the daggum heat.

I was cussin’ out loud, thinkin’ bout quittin’

Lookin’ back now I’m sure glad I didn’t

Cuz just when I thought it couldn’t get no hotter,

I caught glimpse of the farmer’s daughter.

This is why I love country music. Country music rarely swears, they are proud of who they are. Artists appreciate other country artists and don’t have huge egos. They are proud of each other on successes. I understand you might not like country music, but I do believe everyone has a “hillbilly bone” inside of them.

don't ask what the meaning of life is. you define it.

“Life is not a final. It’s daily pop quizzes.” – Unknown

Everyone is obsessed with finding the meaning to life. The secret that makes it all easy. The secret is to stop looking for the secret. Life isn’t based on a textbook; it is spontaneous and changing every day. There is no deep complex meaning. But there is a right and wrong way to live your life. The following paragraphs are parts of what I believe to be the right way to live.

“When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries of life disappear and life stands explained” – Mark Twain

Understand that life is 90% mental and 10% physical. When you are trying to do something you need actually physically be able to do it. Just a little bit. The majority of the work comes from your mental stability and your attitude towards the situation. Ex) “This volunteer work is going to be so stupid and boring” – person has a boring time, has no fun, and gets nothing out of it. “This volunteer work is going to be so cool, fun, and fulfilling!” – person has a good time and feels enlightened. If you think you can do it, you most likely will. You just need to psyche yourself up for things. Be excited and happy about everything. It works.

“In the book of life, the answers aren’t in the back” – Charlie Brown

Just live your life. If you are worrying about how you are living your life and if it’s correct or not, then you are just wasting time. You only have one life, so live it up. Don’t sit back and watch your life fly by, jump up and enjoy the ride. Do things you enjoy and will be proud of. There is no one who can tell you if you are doing it right or wrong, so do it how you want to do it.

“Follow your heart, but be quiet for a while first. Ask questions, and then feel the answer. Learn to trust your heart.” – Unknown

In your life you should do what you want; follow your heart. Have fun and go crazy. But you need to have a focus. Long term plans and goals. College, career, family, etc. You should have a loose outline of your life so it isn't total chaos. But the details will fill themselves in. Always be open for change and don’t get discouraged if your plans do change. Change is good. It switches things up and keeps you on your toes. Same is boring and stupid because you never learn anything.

“Human life is purely a matter of deciding what’s important to you” – Anonymous

We all get stressed at some point. No matter how carefree you try to be, it happens to the best of us. In times like this you need to take a step back out of your tiny everyday life and visualize the big picture. Will this little insignificant test/meeting/project/job really change your life in the long run? Is it worth it to get worried over? Do you care about it? Now if it will affect your whole life then you have good reason to be crazy stressed until it’s over. But more often than not, it doesn’t really matter outside of the present moment. I’m not saying you shouldn’t do your homework, just sometimes you need to pick and choose what is important to you.

So that basically sums up my outlook on life. My guidelines to living a sane, healthy, respectable life. But keep in mind this has zero credibility because I’m just a little girl. But I think it’s pretty good stuff for just a little girl.

“Let go of the past and go for the future. Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you imagined” - Henry David Thoreau

Did I Leave Enough?

Here it is, I never thought it would come
Looking back now, What have I done
I can’t leave yet, Even though I’m ready
I didn’t leave enough, Little worth remembering

It was my fault , I’m rushing around trying to heal
Finishing touches not complete , I thought I was but I wasn’t real
The things I must do, It’s almost too late
But I have enough , Once I’m gone none remains

I want to run away , But it doesn’t feel right
It’s not time , What I never did, now I might
The things I never did or said, The things I never gave
The ones who needed me , And the ones I never saved

The time I wasted , I can’t replay
I’ll fix everything now, If there’s a way
The opportunities I missed, I promise I’m sorry
The doors I wouldn’t open, I know you’ll forgive me

I was scared, I have changed
Please help me a little, And I’ll do what’s in range
They might forget, But I will not
What they never found, And what they taught

I’ll never have the chance, Once I leave this town
It’s now or never, I’m letting out what I kept deep down
Tell me I made a difference, But you don’t have to lie
Tell me this time meant something, Before I have to say goodbye

Life

2011 2011 2011 2011 2011 2011 2011 2011 2011 2011 2011!

New Years Resolutions I would be able to keep:

• Spend more time watching TV / movies.
• Chat more over phone / Internet.
• Read less.
• I want to gain weight. Put on at least 30 pounds.
• Stop exercising. Waste of time. Its overrated.
• Procrastinate more.
• Start being superstitious.
• Skip random days of school. Who needs all 180 anyway?
• Go out to eat more often.
• Spend, spend, spend!
• Eat more candy.
• Stop studying. Wait... I already don't do that.

Now these resolutions I could probably keep up with for more than a week.

But truthfully, this year I plan to workout. I want to run in college so I need to self-motivate myself to get in shape now. Time is of the essence.

Uglies, you should get resolutions too. AND FOLLOW THROUGH WITH THEM!

oh to be young again

One pet peeve of mine is when older people say how much they miss high school and wish they could be young again. Yes, being young and in high school is fun. I'm sure you had a great time while you were there. And I'm sure I will say this myself when I am older. But what I really don't understand is why the fun ever had to stop. each phase of your life deserves to be and should be fun and fulfilling. Life is what you make it (thanks Hannah Montana) You should always be having fun, just maybe not the same kind of fun. It's also a waste of your time to sit around and wish that you were younger and could have fun. That obviously isn't going to happen. So take what you have and make the most of it. Do something crazy. Go outside of your everyday life comfort zone. Don't waste your time wishing- waste your time doing.

hey merry christmas

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO EVERY BUDDY

christmas day is almost over, but i'll keep it in my heart for a lil while longer.

It's a party!

It's a party for two reasons. Number 1 its in Indefinite Cacophobia's birthday and number 2 because it's Christmas Eve. But chances are you already knew both of these things and I am just stating the obvious. A lot has happened in the past year, running from the cops, crossing things off the bucket list (crowd surfing) and many (too many?) obsessions. But if you think this past year was crazy, just wait until next year. Big changes are about to happen for Indefinite Cacophobia. Brace yourself. Next year we are leaving Pennsylvania. This time next year we will be on college break. Caitlin will be living it up in Provo. I will either be in Boston or Richmond, VA. Tori will be at OU or Syracuse. I can sense your worried expressions but, THIS BLOG WILL LIVE ON! Even when we arn't together the blog will truimph. Look foward to exciting adventures from all of us in different parts of the country.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY INDEFINITE CACOPHOBIA && MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!

PARTY ALL DAY x 2

Happy Birthday Us!

Wow, a whole year! And we are still going strong. We have grown so much as a blog, and as people. We started as little babies trying to be cool and make a blog. Some people may think we are still little babies, but I feel that our blog has matured, as Kim, Caitlin and I have. This blog means so much to us. It is basically a documentation of our high school years for the whole world to see (well at least the dedicated uglies see it-thanks guys) It bonds us as bloggers and BFFs; almost like sisters. I get just as excited over a new post now as I did when we first started. I hope this blog lasts for the rest of our lives. I will still post when I am 70. Until the day I die even. This is more than just a blog, it's a biography of our lives. And I love it so much. So this post goes out to us. Happy Birthday Indefinite Cacophobia- writers and followers, to many more years of happy blogging.

Happy Birthday Indefinite Cacophobia!

In honor of Indefinite Cacophobia's first birthday...

Welcome to The 365 Day Egan Awards!
Hosted by myself, I will award various respects to several acheivements here on Indefinite Cacophobia and better yet in the entire blogging world.
The Top 10 Egan Awards of the Year! Here we go!
I liked this baby up just for ya, enjoy some great works from blogger's finests.

#1: The ugliest post - "Cacophobia"
Congratulations to Tori Vallana of Indefinite Cacophobia.
#2: For the safety of the public - "Gray Men Awareness"
I'll pat myself on the back for this one.
#3: Blog associated with the cutest baby - H^E
go hans!
#4: Most Regreted Post - "Regret"
Congratulations to Kimber Mcdonagh of Indefinite Cacophobia
#5: Most Underrated Blog - Blog of Corinne
#6: Most inspirational Blog Post - "Thank the drink company that paid for your long board."
Congratulations to my big sissy, Nicole Egan, of Progressive Loitering
#7: Funniest Blog Post - "fish, gas, and Harry Potter. "
Nicole, again.
#8: 2nd Best Blog on Earth - Progressive Loitering
Congrats to Nick and Nicole. No one knows the other authors?
#9: Most Secret Blog - The Secret Club Blog
does this make it no longer a secret? woops.
how many real followers do we have anyway... like 5?
#10: Coolest Post-Clue
Congrats to Nick at Progressive Loitering

Here at Indefinite Cacophobia, we appreciate all efforts and support you in your blogging endeavours. Thankyou and Congrats on a great year and keep on blogging!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY INDEFINITE CACOPHOBIA.

IT HAS BEEN A GREAT YEAR

LONG LIVE INDEFINITE CACOPHOBIA!!!

oh yeah and merry christmas eve!

I have an obsessive personality

I have an obsessive personality. Everything I do, I go all out. can't stop. I want to do everything. My most recent obsession, as in the last two days, which is what prompted me to write this post, is Robot Unicorn Attack. It can be found on facebook or on the itunes app store. If you have a life, do not try this game at home. It will take over. It may result in poor performance in school, bad health, ruined relationships, procrastination, and anger management. It is dangerous if not used sparingly. I'm always playing. I want to beat everyone, and the song is so catchy. I know its a problem and I need to stop but i know if i do stop i will just find someone else to obsess over in the near future. so whats the point. But greater than this unicorn game, is the obsession present in my entire life. I need to think this through and decide whether in general this is good or bad. I have seen it both ways, and I just need to figure out what's going on.

Love

what is Love

who defines it-

you define it.

have I ever been in Love;

can a teenager ever be in Love

what is Love at first sight-

a lame excuse for lust

out of the billions of people in the world,

how will you ever find the right one

when does really like turn to Love,

how can you tell,

when do you mean it

is Love like a fairy tale,

or a Taylor Swift song

does everyone find their happily ever after

so many questions,

but who has the answers?

Fake or Nice?

Is there a difference? I feel like these two words get mixed up once in a while. For an example, if you dont like someone but have to go to school with them and interact daily with them? Should you ignore them and be rude and "real"? Or should you be nice to them not to cause problems, hurt feelings and come across as a huge jerk? It's fake to pretend you like them, but doesnt it just make you more mature and civil? Where is the boundry? There is no answer its only opinion. But in some cases I think nice is the way to go, as long as you dont treat the person like a best friend because that would be fake. Any opinions uglies?

Future

some people live in the past, not good

we should live in the now

but i live in the future, almost to a weird extent

I'm not even concerned with now because in my mind it's already over

I am always so excited for EVERYTHING, every little thing

I just count down the days, everything is so great

and each day it just gets better and better

im getting closer, its goes so fast but so slow

i am ready i am ready

future

you decide

change one choice you have made and you are a different person

free agency, its great!

you can do what you want, be what you want

future future future , yay yay yay

Albert Einstein said "I never think of the future - it comes soon enough."

woops.

Being Fat is a Choice

Fat people complain about being fat. Skinny people complain about being fat. Fat people choose to be fat and skinny people choose to be skinny. What you eat and how much you exercise are your own personal decisions. Sometimes I think it's okay to be a little fat and just eat whatever you want. Then you can do a billion crunches later to avoid a fat pack.

Some people may be on the other end of the spectrum and rarely eat anything and never exercise. For me it's a balance between the two. Some days I eat nothing and some days I eat the whole house. Sometimes I run 6 miles and do 100 crunches and sometimes I lay on the couch and watch TV. I like to stay healthy so I can live a long, happy life. Being fat is a choice...and I choose fat for now but skinny overall.

Harry Potter Is NOT A Christmas Movie

Almost every night in December before bed and after my homework I watch a Christmas movie to get my daily dose of Christmas spirit. I try to rely on ABC Family's 25 Days of Christmas thinking they would provide an adequate selection for me. But for some peculiar reason they think it is acceptable to play movies that have NOTHING to do with Christmas.

This past weekend was Harry Potter weekend, which is not a Christmas movie and I was very disappointed. And no, just because it snows or there is one christmas scene in all seven movies, does not qualify it as a Christmas movie. Last year The Incredibles were thrown in the 25 days of Christmas line-up. While this is a fantastic movie, I do not want to see it in December. I want to get in the Christmas mood by watching a Christmas movie at night.

So if anyone from ABC Family happens to stumble upon this blog and read this post:

ONLY PLAY CHRISTMAS MOVIES DURING 25 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS!

please and thank you :)

I Love Being Me

Everyone wants to be someone else at one point in their lives. A superhero or celebrity. Maybe just a regular person that they admire. All of the cool benefits you would get. Flying, VIP access, fame, fortune; the good life. But I have come to realize that it is pretty darn good just being yourself. Sometimes I wish that I was as pretty as, as smart as, as cool as, as [insert adjective here] as someone else. But then I think, would it really be all that great? Having to look that good all the time and be the center of attention, or answer everyone's questions all the time, or be friends with the whole school everyday; not really. You would loose yourself. All of the seemingly amazing qualities that everyone wants would be pretty sucky in real life. I love the character traits that I have. My actions, ideas, and decisions. I respect myself. I think that everyone should. It's the easiest thing to do and it makes you 98% more self confident. I would never trade who I am for more popularity, good looks, or brains. I love being myself too much.

Get Outta Here

Why are people afraid of change? I am not applying to school in Pennsylvania. College is a time for change and students are given the opportunity to do something new. But most people in my school apply to local schools and plan to either live at home or come home EVERY weekend. Some people even go to college across the highway from our high school. You can literally see it from our high school. College is when we are given the chance to live on our own without our parents. Why won't people leave?

Look at all the places you could go without even leaving the country

ADD?

Recently a couple random people in my classes at school asked me if I had A.D.D.
I thought they were just being jerks. But they actually wanted to know in all seriousness. I was so confused. Of course I don't. But how could I ever know if I hadn't been tested for it. I wouldn't. I guess I could have a mild case. I dont think I have trouble focusing. I just choose not to focus sometimes. Is that something an A.D.D. person would say? But if im interested I can listen for hours and hear every word, but if I'm bored then I just choose to think about my own world. The kid who sits behind me in AP Stat asked because my paper is filled with stars and other bizzarre shapes and doodles. But that helps me focus. When I'm bored I will make designs on my notes and write in weird and sometimes huge fonts for just one word here or one word there. That actually keeps me there and sane. I get good grades in school though and I dont have to try. I feel like people with A.D.D. struggle with school and I definatley don't. So that is the light of hope for me. I'm like a little kid. I told my mom. shes thinks I should be tested. Now I'm thinking of all the diseases, disorders and problems out there that I probably have and you have that we dont know because we were never tested and never will be. We live our lives and never know. I think ignorance is bliss. Now I do have trouble focusing because people told me I do. If only I was more powerful than my mind. It wins everytime.

I THINK BLOGGING HELPS ME FOCUS

FOCUS FOCUS FOCUS

orange juice

in this world but not of it

everything is blurry
no one sees good and bad
or right and wrong
anymore
its dissappeared and faded away
fast
they are confused
cant see
bored and lost
they're not looking
wheres the wholesome
I live in this world but not of it

Regret

I regret everything. Well, actually I don't think I have every regretted something majorly important, but I regret little things. I know it's bad, but I can't help it. I regret stupid things like what I wear. If I can't decide between flip flops and sneakers. No matter which one I choose, as soon as I walk out the door, I wish I chose the other one. I over think it then regret it. I try to stop. I need to stop. But I can't. I am trying. Life is too short to regret stupid, pointless things.

Holiday

Early creeping peeking excited unwrapping sparkle gifts snowy shopping wonderful santa shiny happy momentous family cozy food warmth glowing visiting traveling giving celebration photographs memories past present future spirit praise glory close heaven angel winter playtime fort fight snowman snowfriend end night relax fulfillment rest silent sleep dream pleasant innocent peace

Public Displays of Affection

Facebook has told me your dating. I do not need a reminder everytime I see you in the hallway. Yeah, I get it. You like each other. I'm glad, but I don't want to see it. I hate walking in the hall and having to walk around people groping each other.

"Good bye, I love you. See you... in 43 minutes." Ohh come on! People are rediculous. You don't need to say goodbye to eachother before every class. Saying good bye to someone with a little kiss after school is alright but full make out sessions, are never under any circumstances acceptable.

I don't even like holding hands. I think it means much more to a relationship if you can simply enjoy another persons company. I believe its a step up in a relationship. It shows you like your bf/gf enough to just spend time with them and arn't purely in the relationship for getting "action."

A date is understandable. Holding hands can be tolerated if you are going to a restaurant or in a dark movie theatre. If you are somewhere really public like an amusement park, kissing and cuddling is not acceptable. Kids are around, youre giving them bad ideas! Don't ruin a family atmosphere. PDA is especially not acceptable when you are with someone else. It makes them feel like a definite third wheel.

Locker blocking is also a definite no-no. At our school we have little rows of lockers that are a squeeze for two people to get by and always get congested in between periods. Some couples believe it is okay to block these rows so they can make out, trapping everyone in the row or not allowing people in due to their public displays of affection.

A lot of people at my school are guilty of PDA, shmari and PJ (names hidden for confidential reasons), beff and serika, zyler and delsey, kyler and Littnee are among the many that alientate the school with their public displays of affection.