keep going

used to be so selfish and didn't even know

learned so many things now and i can thank you

trying so much and it is actually working

i like who i am becoming

ashamed it took me this long

and it's going to take me a while

Kids These Days

I hate how the world is changing for worst.

I remember when feeling rebellious in 9th grade

was not doing your homework.

Kids these days.

Truth

Complication

As humans, our jobs in life are to survive and reproduce. Now think about how complicated we've made things.

more of a point than less

i was hoping someone else would post relatively soon so that weird skin thing wouldn't be the first post on this little blog but the thing is....people don't post very often around here or these days so instead of counting on that i am here to say

happiness is happiness

lets all be happy

you are never alone

For as long as i can remember i have had problems. Specifically, relevant to this blog post, is finger nail/skin issues. I clip my nails as short as possible. I enjoy it. It is an addiction. I like the way it looks and feels even though it hurts a lot as well. There is a certain satisfaction you get while you do it that just makes it enjoyable. The more you do it, the shorter and shorter you can get it, gross i know. My fingers look horrible. Disgusting really. There is always hang nails and loose skin. I can't handle it so i am always clipping them. I clip not only the nails but the skin around them too. Not just the hang nails either, all the skin. I lose track of time when i do it. I don't even notice when I start, it is subconscious and once you start they are never perfect and the skin is always uneven so there is always an opportunity to keep going and you just never stop. My fingers ooze blood a lot when i go too deep then I have to wrap band aids around all my fingers. I end up hurting myself and I can't touch things in a certain way or else it feels funny right after. They look the worst when they are wet and that is one of the main times I will do it. I was just thinking about this and i thought what a weird problem i must be a strange girl. welcome to the internet and google. turns out this problem is completely normal! i am normal! weeee! well normal as in apparently a lot of people do this. i just read all the forums about it. hahahahaha.

"Is it true that finger biting can lead to insanity? So many people have told me you go crazy but Idk what to believe." -skinpick.com (don't go there, it is nasty)

I would post more of what people said but it is truly disturbing. Talking about how rewarding the big chunks of skin are over the little tidbits.....no idea what they are talking about.......okay. wow.

In Conclusion, I have OCD Compulsive Skin Picking (Dermatillomania). cool! i have never had anything like this before. this is so awesome! i am going to tell all my friends! maybe i will post it as my status right now! yay! and i am not alone. you are never alone. hey guys remember that

Nothing but Gravel

I never realized how much I would miss the backroads.

The unfinished edges and no line to divide the lanes,

having to slow down so another car can squeeze by,

blasting and singing country songs as I cruise,

Not a worry in the world, time to think and appreciate.

It's one of the great, small things in life.

anything these days

these are days

the people are around

and will believe anything these days

you can't believe something you hear only from one person

i only believe it if two people say it

this way the information is pretty safe

always check again

always check again

\/\/3!R|)

The more things change, the more they change. Something feels strange. It's not the same. All a mind game. Am I the only one who is sane? Nah, I'm just playin'. I'm just like the rest of them.

Belated

731 days and no one makes time to post.

Like bad parents, who forget what they love most.

Yesterday marked two strong years of writing,

new places, journeys and stories, how exciting.

This post is to wish IC a happy belated birthday

and to the uglies, a merry and joyful holiday.

learning is magic

1. blue corn tortilla chips are superior. they give you more energy or something. (says the crazy lady, but i believe in her)

2. tall skinny guys are all knowing. it comes along with those genes

3. to carbonate stuff you just shoot the gas in and the pressure then allows you to have bubbles run down your neck.

my head is dominating

i did not understand the plea

"i am changing" he said faintly

silence as i walked away

and i came back the very next day

he was gone the cave was empty

written on the wall was the number three

i remembered his story he told before

he must have left to win a war

if he doesn't succeed he owns the sea

otherwise he will be free

he doesn't need my help

i am going anyways

i have nothing else to do

An Apology

Just don't feel the butterflies,

As you continue to do all the right things.

Creating excuses, I continue to say no

Kisses only lead you in the wrong direction.

betrayed

I am part of a group.

We are traveling together.

I step on the escalator.

I look back and the others are not getting on.

They are laughing on solid ground.

what the heck

hourglass

It floats in the air. I assume it is for me, because no one i know talks about it. It consumes me. I look away. I will have to hide it from myself and keep it a secret. The grains accumulate. Each drop brings him closer and pushes us apart. I could just lay it on it's side. Does that change something? I am too scared to try, i don't want to ruin anything else. I think i'll just keep watching. Plus when it is gone i can just flip it over? Why isn't the sand pink? And how does that just float there? That is amazing.

Options

This will either be the best decision of my life, or the biggest mistake of my life. Either way I know that I'm making the right choice.

A Funny Man

A near blackout-drunk man gave me some advice once. Inspirational really. He told me that you can be whatever you want to be if you put your mind to it. If you try hard enough, you can even be a Pokemon. He said that if he really wanted to he could be Pikachu. If this man can become Pikachu, anything is possible. Dream big uglies. 

Random shiz from my mind

The most unexpected help can be the most beneficial. The fact that we needed to create gyms to get exercise is proof of how fat the world is. I wish I lived in tribal Africa. It’s easy to say follow your heart, what’s hard is deciphering what is coming from your heart and what is coming from your head. Coffee is bad. Bad bad bad. But I love it. Mwahaha. Focus on the now. I wish I had gold nail polish. I'm not doubting my abilities, I'm questioning where my heart lies. I need to eat more vegetables. I'm afraid of not living the life I dreamed of. I should be working on essays. I can't wait until Christmas. Am I immature? Why are the font color choices so dull anymore? This is getting stupid. I should just stop and click publish. 

should you clear out old drafts? (march 29th or something woah)

well, the followers are creating quite the riot... hate was thrown on the recent flow of more poemy deep stuff. the dumb and random style of this little blog is missed. so this one goes out to the fans.

I will press some random keys on this board to the beat of Someday by Flipsyde as I sing.

Confidence: the key. THE best quote i have heard in all of my days.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” -Marianne Williamson

Sarcasm: If you don't know how to use it, don't. You are good, if your people can't tell if you are using it or not. If it is obvious, you are just annoying.
Life is a Mind game: Your mind is the most powerful tool you are given. It controls everything, and if you control it then you are free.
Change: is a path to .
Imagine: if you could still be awake while you were sleeping. did you know ants don't sleep?
Be a friend: Get a Back. Even people I do not like i want to back them when their "real" friends don't.
Wave Hello: there are 27 random strangers tomorrow that you see/pass/sit next to everyday, but you have never said hello. you know them, they know you, but you don't know who they are. unexpected hellos are refreshing and nothing bad can come from a smile! :) i am so cute.

peoples laughs ARE so funny

do something.

Making a List and Checking it twice

It's crunch time. I just made a list of everything I have to do until the end of the semester. It's a long list. So much to do, so little time. Work hard, it will all be worth it. Why am I on Facebook? Only two more weeks until I'm free to go home. To sleep in, be lazy, see my friends. It feels so good to cross things off the list. I need Christmas break. I'm making a list and checking it twice.

"i am leaving this location and the weird girl talking about her blog" (i will find you magic land)

Today i break my assumed habits

Learning is over

I travel home mixed in with the rest of the robots

Not today, I'm gonna change today

I am becoming a wanderer

The peace comes and fills my backpack

How long are you allowed to follow them?

How can they stop me? I can deny

It is like a free movie

If i do this enough i will either be creepy or be led to an unknown magical land

I am crossing my fingers

I have always dreamed of being creepy

Relying on fortitude
to escape this solitude.
A brand new attitude
endless gratitude.

who has a thing for (lalala) story time

so the peeps are starting a riot cause i haven't posted in a while.....big deal? i mean it hasn't even been that long. but okay here i am. you're welcome. thats not funny

i have heard that i am a pretty good story teller....

here is a story i wrote with a boy. we are both dumb so that means get ready to be glued to the screen for at least 2.5 - 25 minutes because once you start you won't be able to stop even to put out the fire in your kitchen

What Luck and Hair Can Get You

by 2 kids

Once upon a time there was a big fat hairy place where only one thing lived. It was very lonely because it lived in a hairy place. Luckily, it had a magic-but not real magic. It didn't even have any magic at all. But in her mind she had magic. and that was enough to get a friend! ...that didn't even love her. It's hard to get friends that love you without magic. But in her head she was loved. That's the magic of magic in your head. Still, the friend was a piece of hair so you can imagine how lame of a friendship it truly was. Luckily, there was plenty of brushes to keep it from getting too naughty because layla was a good girl. Everyone knows, brushes can keep anything from being naughty. One day though there was a mighty little tornado singing as it sucked everything up, which was mostly just hair and a few dead bugs, but for the little things in this big place this was dark times DARK TIMES oh my it was dark. But at least there were bugs. Not just any bugs either. They were fairy bugs that had secrets and were really good looking. most were dead. the population was dwindling because of the darkness. the only hope left was a time machine located in the far reaches of the other non hairy place way below and slightly to the left of yappyland. all they needed to do in order to reach this new land was to dig a hole and drink some purple stuff in hopes of finding something to make her happy, layla began following a little dust fairy through the burgledoo and into a dessert. even though there was no water and she nearly died...at least there was oodles of sugar! yum.

the boy stopped texting me back. sorry. if you are dying for closure on this story. go find a book and make up a sentence to bridge them yourself. if you are stuck a good idea is "that was all a dream"

by the way i am in love with the dumb boy mentioned previously<3

lalala love is real! it is real and scary. i'll let you guys know how this goes

I think in #hashtags

Things I have learned in college:

1. It's okay to the stereotypical freshman.

2. People make stupid mistakes. I like to learn from others rather than making my own :)

3. Sometimes you need to put homework before friends... I struggle with this.

4. The self control application is the best invention ever and is the only way I can control my procrastination.

5. Saying no is easy.

Things I now do in college:

1. My friends are twitter freaks, I think in hashtags all daa time.

2. Watch what I eat. I am not the greatest but I actually try not to pig out all the time.

3. Study! and usually more than one day before the test! Well usually, right now I am blogging. Let's hope I don't fail the catholicism midterm tomorrow.

4. Have guy friends. lollll

5. Have no alone time. I honestly can't wait for thanksgiving when I can be in a room by myself. sounds ridiculously antisocial but sometimes a girl just needs time to think.

Things that need to change:

1. I need to stop hanging out with the track team so much. I love them all dearly but I feel like I need to branch out too.

2. I need to start calling my parents/brothers more. Don't worry I haven't forgotten

3. SLEEP! I still don't have a good sleep schedule :(

4. more facetime with friends! I MISS MY LATROBE GIRLS!

5. I need to blog more... I'm just so busy that when I have a free moment I usually use it to make more friends. hahaha

Top 5 Experiences:

1. Dayglow

2. Getting my first test score back, 91% :)

3. First home hockey game. The amount of people that go is unreal.

4. halloweekend :) except snow and halloween are not a good combo

5. Pretty much anytime I go into Boston... which is way too often!

Familiarity

Peanut butter on a spoon

Old running shoes

Favorite hoodie at a bonfire

On a cool summer night

Second wear jeans

Worn flannel

The blanket you’ve had forever

Headed to a sleepover

A walk through the woods in fall

Pajamas all day

Clothes just out of the dryer

Hot cocoa with marshmallows

Warm bowl of soup

Just crawled into bed

Seeing the first snowfall

Christmas morning

Cookies in the oven

Fuzzy socks

Longest shower ever

Buttoning up your favorite sweater

confusion or certainty

why am I here

I love it here

exciting new people

fresh surroundings

so much to do

focus

why am I here

knowledge

self discovery

so many distractions

fun around every corner

focus

why am I here

new friends

new passions

new loves

success

preparation for future

why am I here

I ask myself, 

but only I can know

why am I here

I'm here because I love it here

how do people get ideas?

that doesn't even make sense

Why Do People Have to Ruin Good Things?

Yesterday, spending our last day together, Tori and I drove to Pittsburgh for the day. After listening to Frick Park Market by Mac Miller over and over again, we decided to venture to Frick Park Market to see where young Mac Miller spent his summer days. Walking in to the market, taking constant pictures, the owner knew we were Mac Miller fans and let us hold the HIS sandwich from the music video. After finishing our meals, feelin' good, we set off to visit blue slide park, the name of his upcoming album.

We approach the slide to find it painted red surrounded by caution tape and a note saying the the slide was vandalized and can't be used. WE TRAVELED AN HOUR TO RIDE THE FREAKIN' SLIDE and hoodlums ruin it for us. Why? Why would someone ruin this Pittsburgh landmark and take away the slide from the children of Pittsburgh? So then we sadly walked back to the car and decided to geocache and make the best of Frick Park. After wandering the in the woods for a half hour, finding nothing, we decided to give up. Needless to say we will not be going back to Frick Park...

Vlogging

A Test

College tests many difference things... independence, academics, social skills, morals and friendship, just to a name a few. With all the goodbyes going on right now I can't help but wonder what friends will play a part in the next chapter of my life and who will be just a high school memory. Having moved a couple of times, I realized that only few stay true in the long run. I wonder who will randomly send you a text to see how you're doing? Who will want to skype to fill you in on the important happenings in their life? Who will creep through all your facebook pictures to see who your friends are? Who will move on with their life and not contact you until christmas break when they want someone to hang out with? Who will seem to disappear completely. College will test these things and help me find out who my true friends are.

X

There is an x on my left hand today

The spot marks the memory I can’t betray

It makes me believe I can stop the decay

Wish there was a way that I could say

When the x wares away the days won't replay

Peace

take it all in. the hate. the pain. the sadness. soak it up. inhale it. and for those few seconds that you are holding your breath, think about all of the negativity in your life. then let it all go. release it. exhale.

sometimes we get caught up in the foolish things. in our pride. our selfishness. trapped by our emotions. it’s silly to hold on to them. push them out. let them float away in the wind. and remain level headed and open minded.

keep the good vibes around. absorb the positivity. let it overflow and spill onto others. when you're feeling down it's easy to get lost. to forget how simple it can be to lead a happy life. sometimes we just need a reminder :)

Reggae Adventure

So this is kind of an old story, but it was a good adventure and a new experience for me, so I wanted to share it. A few weeks ago Caitlin, Becca, and I went to the Matisyahu concert in Pittsburgh. And yes, Matisyahu is a real person. Now his music is very interesting. He is an older man with a crazy beard who is jewish and plays reggae, but also beat boxes. So we weren't exactly sure what type of crowd that draws in.

Turns out that it is a super unique group of people. When we first got in line we immediately started scanning the crowd to see who all was there. There were the slightly annoying hipster-wannabe college students in front of us. Of course the weird super fans who had been in line since 6am.(More about them later). There was the couple standing too far apart who were on an awkward date a few people back. Directly behind us wast he cutest boy ever who looked like a hipster version of Zac Efron in a tie-dye shirt. Then waaayyy behind us were the lax bros. But not the cool, super hot kind of lax bros. They were the weird high school lax bro posers.

So when we finally get into the concert we scoot right on up to the second row. The only people in front of us were the super fans. Which didn't seem to be a problem at first. Until we checked Matisyahu's Facebook page and saw 57 posts from "Josh" who was allegedly at the same concert as us. So we obviously wanted to know who he was. So we just yelled "Josh!" really loudly and then looked around. He was a huge dude with tattoos and a hat on backwards in the front row. Not the type of person I imagined to be a Matisayhu super fan.

So after we found Josh, the lax bros come and stand right next to us. We all just looked at each other and knew that we were all thinking "Greeeaaatttt". So at first they were fine. Just standing around waiting for the concert to start like the rest of us. But then the one bro begins to stare intensely at Becca with a mustache drawn on his finger, holding it on his upper lip. Crazy. Like weirdest kid I have ever met. We unfortunately talked with them for a little. They told us that they were boy scouts, which we normally love, but apparently a lax bro boy scout does not mix well. As we continued, the convo just kept getting weirder. So after the concert we just booked it out of there and got in our car and locked the doors.

Looking back on the event, it was funny. Heck, even at the event it was funny. So just remember that if you go to a concert for a weird artist, you will meet weird people.

100!

100 words that relate to Indefinite Cacophobia for our 100th post.

rush. excitement. obsessive. music. poetry. friendship. photography. followers. everlasting. true. honest. time. behind. religion. life. meaning. youth. past. present. future. unicorn. harvest. focus. regret. shopping. strangers. waiting. thankful. random. morals. run. walk. ice. original. love. memories. rockstar. creeping. summer. adventure. sillybands. snow. shine. graymen. ugly. ticket. surf. christmas. wild. crazy. fun. fear. travel. patience. reflect. mind. advancement. pow. weare. cops. flexible. made. journal. writing. hoorah. dream. states. mints. facebook. celebrate. different. blur. speed. health. graduate. lost. searching. wave. friendly. perspective. shadows. spontaneous. marginalia. expectations. rebirth. loud. sherbet. city. inspire. strength. ramble. mistakes. lessons. ride. journey. live. impulse. personal. united. vicambulate.

Planking

PLANKING: THE NEW CRAZE!

Watch this video to find out more. Believe it or not there are a million good planking songs out there and it was hard to choose just one...

At first, I thought planking was ridiculous. I mean who would want to just lay on the ground? But my friends and I decided to make fun of it and plank around my house. Turns out it is a lot of fun trying to find interesting things to plank on AND a great ab workout depending on where you plank. Now, I can't wait to plank in public! Here are some pictures of my planking experiences...

Light the World

Welcoming arms reel me in, whispering my name,

one step forward and things won't be the same.

With courage and encouragement I can begin to look,

to define my existence and fill the pages of my book.

Releasing the brake, switching the shift into drive,

a taste of independence and I start to feel alive.

With reassurance and realizations, hopes begin to rise,

the differences become more interesting with these newly found eyes.

Stair by stair, I will learn to climb the hills,

work, sweat and tears all lead up to the thrill.

Optimism replaces worry, accompanied by intellect.

With the courage to know and the time to reflect.

Ready to light the world aflame,

to really start living and create my name.

it smells FOR A REASON

Today i found a key in the pocket of my jeans i hadn't washed for a week. I never saw it before, it looked average but it smelled really bad. Either the key or the jeans, hard to tell and always told no matter how old. It was gone the same day, it was on the officers keychain. This is the part when i hate myself. I find it again everyday. Then later that day it's on that keychain

illegal things that shouldn't be blogged about

so long story short... i got involved with some shady kids and did some things i'm not too proud of.....HA no just kidding. I just feel the constant need for REBELLION, muawhahaha. but don't be fooled, i am just a little mormon girl who likes to pretend i am rebellious so i make up stories to blog about to convince our wide fan base of loyal followers that obvi check this blog erryday. but when i say make up stories i mean ones that actually happened, yeah.
well i was basically forced to go with some punks and steal a cow sign for a gift for someone. of course i hungered for rebellion but really i was just a little baby really scared to do it. I GET SCARED. okay so we had the plans to get it and on our way there....WE SEE A COW OFF THE SIDE OF THE ROAD. it looked the cops had pulled it over, hilariously ironic really. it was a sign. (PUN INTENDED :D) a bad sign. i knew things would go downhill from here, what are the odds of a cow being on the road right next to the cow sign that we were going to take that same night. weiiird things happen to me, weird things. so we get the tools or whatever and go to get it regardless of bizarre cow experiences earlier that day. (p.s. cows have always creeped me out. like they don't move. their legs, its just creepy. and on those shows like twister where they are floating around in tornados...just not something that i like) << so this adds to my uneasy feeling about this cow sign. its obviously dark out and we are walking towards the sign. (I would be scared just walking in the dark, without an evil purpose, let alone with one. however i repeatively do these things i am scared of, I LIKE A RUSH)
sooo....turns out we are idiots. dang, hate when that happens. the sign is way higher than we imagined and can definitely not be reached. its like double our size. after alot of debating and planning off the side of the road by the sign, where of course a million cars are going by at midnight, i mean why wouldn't they be, sucks. we decide to try the shoulder method and we lift each other up (extremely painful) my sister is loosening and loosening then a car comes.....( if you remember from earlier...we are idiots. so we decide they will not care because they are probably chill dumb kids like us. so she keeps going. the car gives off girly screams and an obnoxiously loud horn. well thats irritating but they passed so whatevesies....."um. guys.... guys they are turning around" CRAAAAAPP. we were doomed, something bad was going to happen to us, worst feeling ever we were going to end up where all people who try to steal cow signs end up..... they stopped in front of us and rolled down the window. the girl started speaking, that was mildly annoying. especially because she had one of those voices, if you know what i mean. that kind of voice that i can't even describe because i don't say such things. she spoke, "um what are you guys doing??" we all froze and were silent. then my sister mumbled as she was unscrewing the sign "...what does it look like we are doing" the enemy said "well just so you know we have your license plate number and the cops are on their way so good luck and have fun!!!! :) :) :)" first good decision of the night was to stop getting the sign and go back to our car at this point. i was so scared BIGGEST RUSH OF MY LIFE, im just a lil baby scared of everything. we waited for the cops there forever and they never came. they wanted to go back and get it, but i was too scared. i hate cows now. i never even liked them, they are creepy how they don't move, it's just there legs there. scary. and there is those movies of them flying through the sky in the twister and they are green and weird looking and not moving. COWS mean bad news. i will remember this throughout my life. EVERY COW SIGN HAUNTS ME NOW. no i am not cool.

Trust her

Always in reach,

only an arms length away,

never stray, never sway

but there's nothing left to teach.

suddenly, the path gets wider,

until a fork in the road is reached,

overgrown and untraveled, the path breached,

she must start to walk with no one beside her.

Drawing the map as she goes,

trust and faith directly lead to hope,

as a speck in the distance, it gets harder to cope,

eventually your world won't be all she knows.

Unimpressionable, only she holds the powers.

Eighteen years, you feel weak once so strong,

but now only she can decide right from wrong

through the sunshine, storms and scattered rain showers.

Letting her slide through your grip,

she's hours away, venturing into the rough.

Watching with worry from afar has got to be tough,

you just need to trust that your lessons wont slip.

She's alone in the world, unsheltered from the cold

sit back, relax, and watch her story unfold.

Stopping to Smell the Roses

Once open to the world

Now sealed in a box

Losing my grip on reality

I stop.

Realizing my relapse

Back into the cave

Action must be taken

I run.

Escaping the binds of time

Racing against the clock

My home blazing behind me

I brake.

What I need is not speed

As I prepare to go.

I need to face this world

Devotedly and slow.

The World Should Match For A Day

Yesterday, for the first time ever, I played a game of croquet at a croquet tournament. Let me tell you, this game is highly underrated. At first glance, croquet seems to be a boring game for stuck up people. Turns out, it is full of strategy, teamwork and skill. Partners must work together to block the opposing team and get their ball through the wicket first. It's kinda like mini-golf on grass but more intense. I learned that croquet is not a joke, one team wore suspenders had custom mallets and a determined look that said 'I came to win and don't mess around.' Not only is the game fun, but everyone at the tournament dresses in white. I really liked getting to the field and seeing everyone lookin' classy in white. I wish sometimes the whole world would match, I felt very unified with everyone.

Other things that are highly underrated:

1. E-Z pass- why wouldn't you have one?

2. Board games- The word "bored" tends to turn people away and they don't know what they are missing.

3. Lifetime movies- People make fun of them but I can easily spend an afternoon glued to the TV watching lifetime.

4. Saving Bonds- just because you can't use it right away doesn't mean it's a bad gift.

5. Wearing scary costumes on Halloween- That's what the holiday is about right? Not how sleazy a costume can be.

6. Nitrogen- the air is mainly composed of it. Why do we say we need oxygen when we need air?

Time is Ticking

To add onto Kim's graduation theme, I wanted to share my concern with the lack of time from now until college. I have so much left to do and experience this summer, but I'm not sure how to fit all of it in. My first instinct was to live it up and party with my friends. This is the last time I will see many of them for a long time, so I need to get all of the fun and good times in. Then another idea came to me. I'm broke. I need some money for college so I decided to ditch my friends and make some ca$h. Which working is also important, but then I miss all the fun. Then also add in my family. I will be leaving them too and I need to spend time with them. And I have to have a graduation party. And I have to pack for school. And I have to go to orientation. And do a million other things in just these few short months. I'm not sure how it's going to work and so far I have just been flying by the seat of my pants, but I feel like a more concrete plan may be necessary. Who knows what I will do, all I know is that I need to do it fast.

Why Am I Not Crying?

I am completely done with high school. Although, it hasn't hit me yet. Graduation day always seemed unreachable. Don't get me wrong, I knew I was going to pass but it was always too far to grasp. Since freshman year, I have been dreaming day when I would get my diploma and well, I can tell you it wasn't what I thought it would be.

Graduation day should have been a whirlwind of emotions but instead I hardly felt anything. I didn't cry or even tear up for that matter. I walked across the stage, got my diploma and that was it. Graduation should be emotional, but why wasn't it for me? It just felt unreal. I kinda feel like I missed it. Like I just watched graduation, rather than been a part of it. Two hours of my life to conclude twelve years of schooling and I feel nothing. Looking back now, I realize that's the last time I am going to see most of those people. People I have shared classes with, laughter with, memories with and grown up seeing almost daily. But, I mean there is a reason they won't be in my future, right? Is that why I wasn't upset? Maybe, I am just really really ready for college. But that doesn't seem to explain the lack of emotion and feeling. How long will it take me to realize that this is it, it's over and I am moving forward with my life?

a puppy and some marginalia

It was easy to jump the fence
It was easy to play lonely
The rain came hard
When did it get hard
I don’t remember this rain jacket
How long has this puppy following me
Just get away you're like your fleas
They feed on you and you feed on me
The weird man tells me it belongs to him
It still follows me so the weird man gets in line
After 4 hours I am trying to lose this whole town
I don’t trust this compass in the winter
I read the pages as I run run run
In the marginalia I can trust

Nothin' Else I Can Say

Lady Gaga is releasing singles on FarmVille. I am left speechless. I love Lady Gaga, but I have to draw the line somewhere. There is not enough money in the world to convince a pop star to debut her songs via an agricultural Facebook game. I feel like something fishy is going on. Although I must give Zynga some props for somehow working out this deal. As if FarmVille wasn't monopolizing social media enough. Either way you look at it, it just doesn't add up. My advice to all of the combo Gaga/FarmVille fans out there (Little Farmsters): don't spend your money on virtual Gaga and save it to see the real Gaga. Only makes sense. I will let this blunder slide, but if I ever see "The Farm" or "The Farm Monster" out on shelves I may be giving Miss Gaga a personal call.

Carbonation

Making friends with this rebellion nation
The nerves dance down like carbonation
Normal’s not meeting the expectation
Check the blood, there’s no relation

just another fish in the sea

Jump in the mainstream
Drown in normality
Immerse in conformity
A fish lost at sea

Streamline of unconsciousness
School of mindless blurs
Barely part of this world
The stream congested with falsity

Clouded in darkness
Trapped in murky sediment
Moving one after another;
same rate, same time

Never knowing what to wonder
Never wondering what to know
Never growing or changing
Never living with intent

A ray of sun peeks through the sky
Hitting the stream on it's sweet spot
Reflecting a rainbow
For the world to see

And one by one
The puzzle falls apart
The radiant light dances
On the ripples of water

Each piece breaking away
Defying nature
Starting its own path;
its own flow

Opening their eyes
It's all crystal clear
Sensational revelation
Finally becoming

The uniformity of the subdued population
Has now reconstructed
Into a harmonious habitation of autonomy
And a world of individualistic thought

Watching the stream I remove my sunglasses
and continue on the path basking in the sunlight.