3 YEARS

Here's to another year Uglies!

people>things

things are the antithesis of people. how many times do we choose a thing over the person? the thing is temporary and the person is eternal.
i learned this in a book, i have been reading these lately

Freak Out

Who am I? What am I even doing? Quick decisions. Risk. Confusion. Regret?
Slow it down, live it up, what will be, will be.

Life is Like a Box of Chocolate...

My life is funny.

Things are unexpected.

Hints not taken.

Interactions conducive

To sit-com scenarios.

My life is a music video.

Hippies backpacking 

Through a colorful desert.

A little bit delusive,

But oddly familiar.

My life is emotional.

A cup of coffee.

A renewing cry.

Mostly I laugh.

It's better that way.

My life is an enigma.

People are strange,

And don't make sense.

Feelings are cloudy.

I need simplification.

My life is a poem.

Sometimes it rhymes.

Sometimes it doesn't.

It's always just shy

Of making sense.

My life is funny.

But I think I'm the only one who's laughing.

Lovey Dovey

First of all I love this song and this video. Ed Sheeran is just a genius. Love is great and there is a right time and a right person for everyone. Even if you think there never will be. 

Mixed Emotions

You never told me I looked pretty,
I loved seeing your name light up on my phone,
I know there are better boys in this city.
Next weekend you had big plans to take me home.
When together, you always seemed bored,
Those friday nights when you held my hand,
That night I was crying, I was ignored.
And the summer nights, toes in the sand.
I started to not feel wanted,
The first boy I truly had feelings for,
I used to be the girl you flaunted.
I've never liked anyone more.

Mixed emotions towards the end,
I cannot lie I really miss my friend.
A broken heart as tears run down my face,
I wanted this too but the pain is hard to erase.

Time will heal... so I wait.

we really can

we can do anything

Get Informed.

This is the first time we can vote in a presidential debate and I think that's a pretty big deal. Don't miss your opportunity to get informed (or at least a little). I'm not saying you have to read every newspaper clipping about the election, just try to learn the basics. We FINALLY have a say, we are the future generation, this is our time to make an impact. Sure, one vote doesn't mean a whole lot, but it counts for something. For all our Pennsylvania viewers, we are a swing state. Our vote might really count! I have never been interested in politics. I'm still not very interested but I am making an effort to watch the debates. The first one helped me immensely. I feel more confident in my vote. I know what I am supporting. It's an hour and half of your life. Just watch at least one. This is the person who is running our country... pretty important if you ask me. Tonight, tune in to watch Paul Ryan and Joe Biden battle it out. Don't know who those people are? Then you should REALLY watch. This is our country. We have a say. We have a vote. Use it.

I'm in love alright with my crazy, beautiful life.

My school is great.

My room is great.

My friends are great.

My boyfriend is great.

Life is great.

hi guys

i realize i haven't posted in a while, so i would like to take this time and give a shootout to the mail man! three cheers!

A Stitch in Time

Last year for my birthday my grandma took all of my old running shirts while I was at school and cut them up to make a quilt out of them. I've always wanted a quilt like that, but for some reason I was kind of hurt by her actions. I felt like she had gone through my diary without asking. I have a strong emotional connection with those shirts, as I'm sure most runners do. I think I was also distraught because she didn't have time to actually make the quilt so she just handed me a Walmart bag full of my torn up memories. She didn't even make them all the same sizes. Why would she not make them the same sizes? 

I still have the bag of t-shirt scraps in my closet. My grandma and I said we would get together and finish the quilt. But I have never made the time and she probably forgets about it and the bag of scraps gets pushed further and further into the shadowy back of my closet. The back of my mind. 

Sometimes when I run I forget where I came from. I forget how horrifyingly sucky I was. I forget 9/10 meets. I forget when my PR was 7:22 for the mile. I forget that defeated feeling you get when you're behind the rest of the pack and all you want to do is quit. I forget the pity cheers from your teammates. I forget the fast girls having to circle back around to pick you up because you fell behind...again. I forget a huge physical, mental and emotional building block of my life.

Today I found that bag of scraps. I'm still not sure if I'm over my grandma cutting them up. The poor woman didn't know she was cutting up my life. But finding that bag made me realize just how far I've come. How much I owe to running. I think I'll call my grandma and ask her when we can finally make the quilt. It's time to sew my life back together.

A Smile

A smile for the classmates who got me through the day

With a goodbye at graduation they won’t make it all the way.

A laugh at all the memories that will never fade,

I will never forget all the true friends I have made.

A sigh for the foolish drama made in the past few years,

Now I see that the arguments weren’t worth the tears.

A high five to the girls who worked with me all season long,

Through the grueling workouts, together we kept strong.

A hug for my family, we bicker but you always come to my aide,

At the end of the day there isn’t a single thing I would trade.

A nod to the ones who have hurt me for you have given me strength,

Realizing the people to keep close and those to keep at arms length.

An apology for the ones I have hurt and the mistakes I have made,

I am learning and fixing, truly sorry this came a bit delayed.

A wink for the boys of high school, time to say goodbye to your charm,

Sorry for the hurt, I never meant to do any harm.

A handshake for the people who have shaped who I am today,

A million thank yous will never seem like enough thanks to say.

A wave for the people stuck in this town, I hope you find a way

To chase your dreams and live life to the fullest every day.

I wrote this after high school and it has been trapped in my laptop for much too long. better late than never?

I actually got real advice from a cookie?

"The world is a beautiful book for those who read it" 
I got this message in a fortune cookie a while ago. I've kept it in my journal since then. Today I realized that I have been stuck on the same page for a while. Maybe even the same sentence. I don't do anything with my life really. There are so many more productive, exciting things I could do with my time, but I choose to do nothing. I just sit. And eat. I'm wasting my life waiting for my life to happen. It's stuck in my mind that when I get a real job and have a family, life will begin. But my life doesn't start then, it started nineteen years ago. I'm not reading the book that is the world, I'm just looking at the pictures. Skimming. It scares and concerns me. So I guess instead of spending my time ranting and blogging I should just go live my life now...

Coulda, shoulda, woulda

There are things I should have done,

Words I should have said,

Phone calls I should have made

Emails I should have sent

To make the extra effort

And take the next step.

Standing still, feet in cement,

I did not push myself forward.

Tangled in my own life,

Blind to other’s needs.

To be a better daughter, sister and friend,

To put a smile on someone’s face

And brighten their day

But I chose to do nothing.

And now I am left wondering why

Why I chose to sit back.

Why it continues to be the same.

Awkward Physical Contacts

Sometimes you can't avoid the awkward situations life throws at you.

Thoughts from space out of my mind...or something like that.

Has there ever been a movie about another planet that has humans or human-like creatures that find out about Earth and try to communicate with us? Because there should be. It's obviously the most realistic sci-fi plot out there. We are one planet, in one solar system, in one galaxy, in an infinite space; chances are there is another planet with life on it. Sometimes I freak myself out when I think about this. How minuscule we really are in comparison to space. It really changes your perspective. I think it's healthy to think about sometimes. Gets the mind juices flowing.

Also on my lack of posting recently:          

Confidence

I realize how lazy I have been lately and I am here to apologize. I mean posting pictures and links... would it kill me to write a few words of my own? Well, here it goes:

     With the local high school graduation happening last night, I have reflected a lot on who I have become this past year. It's hard to believe how much I have changed. Last year, all I cared about was track and I was terrified of the future; harder track workouts, more intense classes, the fear that I wouldn't be as smart as everyone else and the party scene. I was unsure in myself.
      This year, my study habits have improved immensely and with one year under my belt, I have realized not to underestimate myself. I can keep up with the rest of the class. Track workouts proved to be manageable. Actually too manageable, now I want the challenge I feared. Track has become less of priority. Competing at a whole new level, I forget the reasons that made me love track in the first place. Although, I remain positive and continue to search for the feelings I felt last year. This year rather than leading me to medals, track has led me to my best friends. I have realized who has my back and who doesn't. In college, there isn't much guesswork involved. I hold onto the people who care and let go and move on from the people who don't. As far as the party scene goes, I've definitely adapted. This change might be seen as negative but I believe that I am still the same person as last year and partying has not strayed me from knowing what is really important in life. I still see the best in the people I meet. I still know whats truly important in life, my family and friends. I still remind myself that I have boundaries and don't allow myself to be taken advantage of.
      Last year, I would have never predicted all of this. Although, with all these changes, I realize, I am happy. I walk around school grateful each and every day that I am blessed enough to get this opportunity to learn at a school as prestigious and beautiful as Boston College. I am blessed with friends who care about me as if they have known me my whole life. I am confident in those few high school friend that have survived the year, confident that we will survive many more. I want to seize all opportunities Boston College presents me and graduate a well rounded person who knows what she wants in life. Although, I don't have my next four years mapped out. I've realized that it's okay. Last year I was scared but everything seemed to fall into place. This year, I am still scared when thinking about my major but what separates this year from the last is that I have courage and faith in myself. I believe that I will make the right decisions and figure my life out. This year I have confidence.

This is Love.

http://vimeo.com/38033654

sorry to be so cheesy, but i like this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zsY6UrFIsNs

What are you waiting for?

Put me into drive

I'm looking for that spark, have you seen it?

I lost that drive, those fiery eyes to move forward.

Looking to rebuild but I don't know where to start.

Quick, someone throw me a map.

I'm getting desperate and will try anything.

My internal GPS has stopped working,

I seem to have forgotten the way.

The road is much much longer but

I can't help but drift to the side.

Maybe this is just the long way,

is there hope to find my way back?

feelings

if you feel good about something, don't ignore it!

and if you feel bad about something, well that probably means something too.

This is the now generation

"My space is your space,

Facebook is the new place

Dip divin' socializin'

I'll be out in cyber space

Google is my professor

Wikipedia checker

Checkin' my account,

loggin in and loggin out.

Baby I want it... now."

- Black Eyed Peas

Its crazy to think of how reliant I am on technology. We are so lucky to have access to it but sometimes I am ashamed of how much I use it. I'm that girl that is always on her phone, updating Facebook, reading my email, texting or tweeting. I feel lost if my phone dies, its pathetic... I'm aware. I think all this technology ha

s made me a very impatient person. If the page takes 2 minutes to load, I get frustrated. But, when you think about it, it's CRAZY that in 2 minutes I can have the world wide web in the palm of my hand. I also think I don't enjoy the little, natural things around me as often as I could by having my eyes glued to a phone or computer screen. Not saying that I wish technology didn't exist, I truly love it. I mean, how else would I be able to blog? and I would have lost touch with many many friends. All I'm saying is I think everyone should be conscious of how dependent they are and try not to miss out on

everything else the world has to offer.

Sometimes I forget...

Sometimes I forget how cool pandora radio is. It just knows what kind of songs I like. Genius. Sometimes I forget that I need to live in the moment. I get too caught up in planning every detail of my life. I need to enjoy it more. Sometimes I forget that I like being crazy. I've been really boring lately. I need to spice it up. Sometimes I forget that I like to watch TV shows. Thank goodness for hulu. Saves my life. Sometimes I forget that everyone at community college is old. And then I think someone is cute. Until I realize that they are 30. Sometimes I forget how great my friends are. Until they skype me. And I remember how fun they can be. Sometimes I forget to blog. Oops. Sorry guys. Sometimes I forget...but I always remember.

i think we should all do this in the mornins

Hypocrite

It's amazing how much things can change.

I take back the things I said last year.

Different perspectives, same person.

Getting Back on Track

Sometimes I forget why I'm here.
But it always comes back to me.
I need to be happier,
because my life is amazing.
Take the time to smile-
the world is an awesome place.

Between the Lines

valentInes day is a tiMe for Love,

don't feel bad about Yourself

for beIng aloNe, cheer up Gloomy.

keep going

used to be so selfish and didn't even know

learned so many things now and i can thank you

trying so much and it is actually working

i like who i am becoming

ashamed it took me this long

and it's going to take me a while

Kids These Days

I hate how the world is changing for worst.

I remember when feeling rebellious in 9th grade

was not doing your homework.

Kids these days.

Truth

Complication

As humans, our jobs in life are to survive and reproduce. Now think about how complicated we've made things.

more of a point than less

i was hoping someone else would post relatively soon so that weird skin thing wouldn't be the first post on this little blog but the thing is....people don't post very often around here or these days so instead of counting on that i am here to say

happiness is happiness

lets all be happy

you are never alone

For as long as i can remember i have had problems. Specifically, relevant to this blog post, is finger nail/skin issues. I clip my nails as short as possible. I enjoy it. It is an addiction. I like the way it looks and feels even though it hurts a lot as well. There is a certain satisfaction you get while you do it that just makes it enjoyable. The more you do it, the shorter and shorter you can get it, gross i know. My fingers look horrible. Disgusting really. There is always hang nails and loose skin. I can't handle it so i am always clipping them. I clip not only the nails but the skin around them too. Not just the hang nails either, all the skin. I lose track of time when i do it. I don't even notice when I start, it is subconscious and once you start they are never perfect and the skin is always uneven so there is always an opportunity to keep going and you just never stop. My fingers ooze blood a lot when i go too deep then I have to wrap band aids around all my fingers. I end up hurting myself and I can't touch things in a certain way or else it feels funny right after. They look the worst when they are wet and that is one of the main times I will do it. I was just thinking about this and i thought what a weird problem i must be a strange girl. welcome to the internet and google. turns out this problem is completely normal! i am normal! weeee! well normal as in apparently a lot of people do this. i just read all the forums about it. hahahahaha.

"Is it true that finger biting can lead to insanity? So many people have told me you go crazy but Idk what to believe." -skinpick.com (don't go there, it is nasty)

I would post more of what people said but it is truly disturbing. Talking about how rewarding the big chunks of skin are over the little tidbits.....no idea what they are talking about.......okay. wow.

In Conclusion, I have OCD Compulsive Skin Picking (Dermatillomania). cool! i have never had anything like this before. this is so awesome! i am going to tell all my friends! maybe i will post it as my status right now! yay! and i am not alone. you are never alone. hey guys remember that