Merry Christmas! What a wonderful day to post my very first blog. How exciting! Christmas is a day of giving, the birth of Jesus, and of course, receiving presents. Sometimes you get the present you always wanted and love. But sometimes you receive those presents where you flash a fake smile, say thank you and later complain how that was the worst gift you could possibly receive. Well, I have decided to take a classic Christmas carol (the twelve days of Christmas) and rewrite it to name, in my opinion, the twelve worst gifts you could possibly receive.
On the twelfth day of Christmas, a dumb friend sent to me Twelve tooth brushes to go with the floss, Eleven pet rocks, Ten white socks, Nine deodorants, Eight pencils for school, Seven handmade coupons, Six saving bonds, Five golden snuggies, Four packs of underwear, Three text books, Two paper weights, And dental floss in my stocking.
Why are these gifts so horrible?
Dental floss- There is nothing worst then unwrapping a present and getting floss. I hate to floss and do not want santa giving me the same “gifts” to me as my dentist!
Paper weights- It’s something that just sits on your desk, inactive, and is not needed. If your papers get blown around, then close a window, or find a rock!
Textbooks- Gee thanks! Just what I wanted to be doing over break, getting a head start on future school work. NOOOT!
Packs of underwear- not a fun gift and extremely embarrassing if it being opened in front of a crowd. I do not want my all my family and friends seeing what I wear under my pants!
Golden snuggies- I am not actually sure if golden snuggies exist but it fit the song well. I have to admit, receiving a snuggie wouldn’t be terrible, it would be hilarious. But the thought, of some company selling billions of these blankets with two holes cut out of it, disgusts me. They are making tons of money off a prehistoric invention, the blanket.
Saving bonds- I can’t play with it. I can’t spend it. I can’t use it. I can only look at it. I WANT MY MONEY NOW!
Handmade coupons- I am ashamed to say I am guilty, when I was younger I did make these. Free hug, free babysitting, I will set the table for a day. It’s the gift to give, when you’re broke. It may be cute when you are younger. But when you are older than 6, it becomes a bad gift. And doing it year after year makes it worse and worse.
Pencils for school- Oh great, I think I will go do my homework now with these lovely pencils.
Deodorant- Is this a hint? Do I smell bad? Do you think I don’t already use it? This gift is repulsive. No one wants to be told they smell bad, especially on Christmas! And if you think you are being subtle about it, you are most definitely not!
White socks- You could have at least made them colored. Polka dots, stripes, graphics, give me something on them! White is so blah.
Pet rock- They don’t need to be fed, go to the bathroom, be walked. They don’t come when you call their name. You can’t play with them, you might hurt yourself. Putting eyes on a rock cannot be considered a pet, and whoever is selling them is making almost as much money as the snuggie guy.
Toothbrush- The perfect accessory to the floss.
Overall, I had a very merry Christmas, and hope you did too! Or a Happy Hanukkah, Kwanza, or whatever you celebrate!
Thanks ugly people for reading. Remember the more you read this blog, the prettier you will be! :)
