confusion or certainty

why am I here

I love it here

exciting new people

fresh surroundings

so much to do

focus

why am I here

knowledge

self discovery

so many distractions

fun around every corner

focus

why am I here

new friends

new passions

new loves

success

preparation for future

why am I here

I ask myself, 

but only I can know

why am I here

I'm here because I love it here

how do people get ideas?

that doesn't even make sense

Why Do People Have to Ruin Good Things?

Yesterday, spending our last day together, Tori and I drove to Pittsburgh for the day. After listening to Frick Park Market by Mac Miller over and over again, we decided to venture to Frick Park Market to see where young Mac Miller spent his summer days. Walking in to the market, taking constant pictures, the owner knew we were Mac Miller fans and let us hold the HIS sandwich from the music video. After finishing our meals, feelin' good, we set off to visit blue slide park, the name of his upcoming album.

We approach the slide to find it painted red surrounded by caution tape and a note saying the the slide was vandalized and can't be used. WE TRAVELED AN HOUR TO RIDE THE FREAKIN' SLIDE and hoodlums ruin it for us. Why? Why would someone ruin this Pittsburgh landmark and take away the slide from the children of Pittsburgh? So then we sadly walked back to the car and decided to geocache and make the best of Frick Park. After wandering the in the woods for a half hour, finding nothing, we decided to give up. Needless to say we will not be going back to Frick Park...

Vlogging

A Test

College tests many difference things... independence, academics, social skills, morals and friendship, just to a name a few. With all the goodbyes going on right now I can't help but wonder what friends will play a part in the next chapter of my life and who will be just a high school memory. Having moved a couple of times, I realized that only few stay true in the long run. I wonder who will randomly send you a text to see how you're doing? Who will want to skype to fill you in on the important happenings in their life? Who will creep through all your facebook pictures to see who your friends are? Who will move on with their life and not contact you until christmas break when they want someone to hang out with? Who will seem to disappear completely. College will test these things and help me find out who my true friends are.

X

There is an x on my left hand today

The spot marks the memory I can’t betray

It makes me believe I can stop the decay

Wish there was a way that I could say

When the x wares away the days won't replay

Peace

take it all in. the hate. the pain. the sadness. soak it up. inhale it. and for those few seconds that you are holding your breath, think about all of the negativity in your life. then let it all go. release it. exhale.

sometimes we get caught up in the foolish things. in our pride. our selfishness. trapped by our emotions. it’s silly to hold on to them. push them out. let them float away in the wind. and remain level headed and open minded.

keep the good vibes around. absorb the positivity. let it overflow and spill onto others. when you're feeling down it's easy to get lost. to forget how simple it can be to lead a happy life. sometimes we just need a reminder :)

Reggae Adventure

So this is kind of an old story, but it was a good adventure and a new experience for me, so I wanted to share it. A few weeks ago Caitlin, Becca, and I went to the Matisyahu concert in Pittsburgh. And yes, Matisyahu is a real person. Now his music is very interesting. He is an older man with a crazy beard who is jewish and plays reggae, but also beat boxes. So we weren't exactly sure what type of crowd that draws in.

Turns out that it is a super unique group of people. When we first got in line we immediately started scanning the crowd to see who all was there. There were the slightly annoying hipster-wannabe college students in front of us. Of course the weird super fans who had been in line since 6am.(More about them later). There was the couple standing too far apart who were on an awkward date a few people back. Directly behind us wast he cutest boy ever who looked like a hipster version of Zac Efron in a tie-dye shirt. Then waaayyy behind us were the lax bros. But not the cool, super hot kind of lax bros. They were the weird high school lax bro posers.

So when we finally get into the concert we scoot right on up to the second row. The only people in front of us were the super fans. Which didn't seem to be a problem at first. Until we checked Matisyahu's Facebook page and saw 57 posts from "Josh" who was allegedly at the same concert as us. So we obviously wanted to know who he was. So we just yelled "Josh!" really loudly and then looked around. He was a huge dude with tattoos and a hat on backwards in the front row. Not the type of person I imagined to be a Matisayhu super fan.

So after we found Josh, the lax bros come and stand right next to us. We all just looked at each other and knew that we were all thinking "Greeeaaatttt". So at first they were fine. Just standing around waiting for the concert to start like the rest of us. But then the one bro begins to stare intensely at Becca with a mustache drawn on his finger, holding it on his upper lip. Crazy. Like weirdest kid I have ever met. We unfortunately talked with them for a little. They told us that they were boy scouts, which we normally love, but apparently a lax bro boy scout does not mix well. As we continued, the convo just kept getting weirder. So after the concert we just booked it out of there and got in our car and locked the doors.

Looking back on the event, it was funny. Heck, even at the event it was funny. So just remember that if you go to a concert for a weird artist, you will meet weird people.

100!

100 words that relate to Indefinite Cacophobia for our 100th post.

rush. excitement. obsessive. music. poetry. friendship. photography. followers. everlasting. true. honest. time. behind. religion. life. meaning. youth. past. present. future. unicorn. harvest. focus. regret. shopping. strangers. waiting. thankful. random. morals. run. walk. ice. original. love. memories. rockstar. creeping. summer. adventure. sillybands. snow. shine. graymen. ugly. ticket. surf. christmas. wild. crazy. fun. fear. travel. patience. reflect. mind. advancement. pow. weare. cops. flexible. made. journal. writing. hoorah. dream. states. mints. facebook. celebrate. different. blur. speed. health. graduate. lost. searching. wave. friendly. perspective. shadows. spontaneous. marginalia. expectations. rebirth. loud. sherbet. city. inspire. strength. ramble. mistakes. lessons. ride. journey. live. impulse. personal. united. vicambulate.

Planking

PLANKING: THE NEW CRAZE!

Watch this video to find out more. Believe it or not there are a million good planking songs out there and it was hard to choose just one...

At first, I thought planking was ridiculous. I mean who would want to just lay on the ground? But my friends and I decided to make fun of it and plank around my house. Turns out it is a lot of fun trying to find interesting things to plank on AND a great ab workout depending on where you plank. Now, I can't wait to plank in public! Here are some pictures of my planking experiences...

Light the World

Welcoming arms reel me in, whispering my name,

one step forward and things won't be the same.

With courage and encouragement I can begin to look,

to define my existence and fill the pages of my book.

Releasing the brake, switching the shift into drive,

a taste of independence and I start to feel alive.

With reassurance and realizations, hopes begin to rise,

the differences become more interesting with these newly found eyes.

Stair by stair, I will learn to climb the hills,

work, sweat and tears all lead up to the thrill.

Optimism replaces worry, accompanied by intellect.

With the courage to know and the time to reflect.

Ready to light the world aflame,

to really start living and create my name.

it smells FOR A REASON

Today i found a key in the pocket of my jeans i hadn't washed for a week. I never saw it before, it looked average but it smelled really bad. Either the key or the jeans, hard to tell and always told no matter how old. It was gone the same day, it was on the officers keychain. This is the part when i hate myself. I find it again everyday. Then later that day it's on that keychain

illegal things that shouldn't be blogged about

so long story short... i got involved with some shady kids and did some things i'm not too proud of.....HA no just kidding. I just feel the constant need for REBELLION, muawhahaha. but don't be fooled, i am just a little mormon girl who likes to pretend i am rebellious so i make up stories to blog about to convince our wide fan base of loyal followers that obvi check this blog erryday. but when i say make up stories i mean ones that actually happened, yeah.
well i was basically forced to go with some punks and steal a cow sign for a gift for someone. of course i hungered for rebellion but really i was just a little baby really scared to do it. I GET SCARED. okay so we had the plans to get it and on our way there....WE SEE A COW OFF THE SIDE OF THE ROAD. it looked the cops had pulled it over, hilariously ironic really. it was a sign. (PUN INTENDED :D) a bad sign. i knew things would go downhill from here, what are the odds of a cow being on the road right next to the cow sign that we were going to take that same night. weiiird things happen to me, weird things. so we get the tools or whatever and go to get it regardless of bizarre cow experiences earlier that day. (p.s. cows have always creeped me out. like they don't move. their legs, its just creepy. and on those shows like twister where they are floating around in tornados...just not something that i like) << so this adds to my uneasy feeling about this cow sign. its obviously dark out and we are walking towards the sign. (I would be scared just walking in the dark, without an evil purpose, let alone with one. however i repeatively do these things i am scared of, I LIKE A RUSH)
sooo....turns out we are idiots. dang, hate when that happens. the sign is way higher than we imagined and can definitely not be reached. its like double our size. after alot of debating and planning off the side of the road by the sign, where of course a million cars are going by at midnight, i mean why wouldn't they be, sucks. we decide to try the shoulder method and we lift each other up (extremely painful) my sister is loosening and loosening then a car comes.....( if you remember from earlier...we are idiots. so we decide they will not care because they are probably chill dumb kids like us. so she keeps going. the car gives off girly screams and an obnoxiously loud horn. well thats irritating but they passed so whatevesies....."um. guys.... guys they are turning around" CRAAAAAPP. we were doomed, something bad was going to happen to us, worst feeling ever we were going to end up where all people who try to steal cow signs end up..... they stopped in front of us and rolled down the window. the girl started speaking, that was mildly annoying. especially because she had one of those voices, if you know what i mean. that kind of voice that i can't even describe because i don't say such things. she spoke, "um what are you guys doing??" we all froze and were silent. then my sister mumbled as she was unscrewing the sign "...what does it look like we are doing" the enemy said "well just so you know we have your license plate number and the cops are on their way so good luck and have fun!!!! :) :) :)" first good decision of the night was to stop getting the sign and go back to our car at this point. i was so scared BIGGEST RUSH OF MY LIFE, im just a lil baby scared of everything. we waited for the cops there forever and they never came. they wanted to go back and get it, but i was too scared. i hate cows now. i never even liked them, they are creepy how they don't move, it's just there legs there. scary. and there is those movies of them flying through the sky in the twister and they are green and weird looking and not moving. COWS mean bad news. i will remember this throughout my life. EVERY COW SIGN HAUNTS ME NOW. no i am not cool.

Trust her

Always in reach,

only an arms length away,

never stray, never sway

but there's nothing left to teach.

suddenly, the path gets wider,

until a fork in the road is reached,

overgrown and untraveled, the path breached,

she must start to walk with no one beside her.

Drawing the map as she goes,

trust and faith directly lead to hope,

as a speck in the distance, it gets harder to cope,

eventually your world won't be all she knows.

Unimpressionable, only she holds the powers.

Eighteen years, you feel weak once so strong,

but now only she can decide right from wrong

through the sunshine, storms and scattered rain showers.

Letting her slide through your grip,

she's hours away, venturing into the rough.

Watching with worry from afar has got to be tough,

you just need to trust that your lessons wont slip.

She's alone in the world, unsheltered from the cold

sit back, relax, and watch her story unfold.

Stopping to Smell the Roses

Once open to the world

Now sealed in a box

Losing my grip on reality

I stop.

Realizing my relapse

Back into the cave

Action must be taken

I run.

Escaping the binds of time

Racing against the clock

My home blazing behind me

I brake.

What I need is not speed

As I prepare to go.

I need to face this world

Devotedly and slow.

The World Should Match For A Day

Yesterday, for the first time ever, I played a game of croquet at a croquet tournament. Let me tell you, this game is highly underrated. At first glance, croquet seems to be a boring game for stuck up people. Turns out, it is full of strategy, teamwork and skill. Partners must work together to block the opposing team and get their ball through the wicket first. It's kinda like mini-golf on grass but more intense. I learned that croquet is not a joke, one team wore suspenders had custom mallets and a determined look that said 'I came to win and don't mess around.' Not only is the game fun, but everyone at the tournament dresses in white. I really liked getting to the field and seeing everyone lookin' classy in white. I wish sometimes the whole world would match, I felt very unified with everyone.

Other things that are highly underrated:

1. E-Z pass- why wouldn't you have one?

2. Board games- The word "bored" tends to turn people away and they don't know what they are missing.

3. Lifetime movies- People make fun of them but I can easily spend an afternoon glued to the TV watching lifetime.

4. Saving Bonds- just because you can't use it right away doesn't mean it's a bad gift.

5. Wearing scary costumes on Halloween- That's what the holiday is about right? Not how sleazy a costume can be.

6. Nitrogen- the air is mainly composed of it. Why do we say we need oxygen when we need air?

Time is Ticking

To add onto Kim's graduation theme, I wanted to share my concern with the lack of time from now until college. I have so much left to do and experience this summer, but I'm not sure how to fit all of it in. My first instinct was to live it up and party with my friends. This is the last time I will see many of them for a long time, so I need to get all of the fun and good times in. Then another idea came to me. I'm broke. I need some money for college so I decided to ditch my friends and make some ca$h. Which working is also important, but then I miss all the fun. Then also add in my family. I will be leaving them too and I need to spend time with them. And I have to have a graduation party. And I have to pack for school. And I have to go to orientation. And do a million other things in just these few short months. I'm not sure how it's going to work and so far I have just been flying by the seat of my pants, but I feel like a more concrete plan may be necessary. Who knows what I will do, all I know is that I need to do it fast.

Why Am I Not Crying?

I am completely done with high school. Although, it hasn't hit me yet. Graduation day always seemed unreachable. Don't get me wrong, I knew I was going to pass but it was always too far to grasp. Since freshman year, I have been dreaming day when I would get my diploma and well, I can tell you it wasn't what I thought it would be.

Graduation day should have been a whirlwind of emotions but instead I hardly felt anything. I didn't cry or even tear up for that matter. I walked across the stage, got my diploma and that was it. Graduation should be emotional, but why wasn't it for me? It just felt unreal. I kinda feel like I missed it. Like I just watched graduation, rather than been a part of it. Two hours of my life to conclude twelve years of schooling and I feel nothing. Looking back now, I realize that's the last time I am going to see most of those people. People I have shared classes with, laughter with, memories with and grown up seeing almost daily. But, I mean there is a reason they won't be in my future, right? Is that why I wasn't upset? Maybe, I am just really really ready for college. But that doesn't seem to explain the lack of emotion and feeling. How long will it take me to realize that this is it, it's over and I am moving forward with my life?

a puppy and some marginalia

It was easy to jump the fence
It was easy to play lonely
The rain came hard
When did it get hard
I don’t remember this rain jacket
How long has this puppy following me
Just get away you're like your fleas
They feed on you and you feed on me
The weird man tells me it belongs to him
It still follows me so the weird man gets in line
After 4 hours I am trying to lose this whole town
I don’t trust this compass in the winter
I read the pages as I run run run
In the marginalia I can trust

Nothin' Else I Can Say

Lady Gaga is releasing singles on FarmVille. I am left speechless. I love Lady Gaga, but I have to draw the line somewhere. There is not enough money in the world to convince a pop star to debut her songs via an agricultural Facebook game. I feel like something fishy is going on. Although I must give Zynga some props for somehow working out this deal. As if FarmVille wasn't monopolizing social media enough. Either way you look at it, it just doesn't add up. My advice to all of the combo Gaga/FarmVille fans out there (Little Farmsters): don't spend your money on virtual Gaga and save it to see the real Gaga. Only makes sense. I will let this blunder slide, but if I ever see "The Farm" or "The Farm Monster" out on shelves I may be giving Miss Gaga a personal call.

Carbonation

Making friends with this rebellion nation
The nerves dance down like carbonation
Normal’s not meeting the expectation
Check the blood, there’s no relation

just another fish in the sea

Jump in the mainstream
Drown in normality
Immerse in conformity
A fish lost at sea

Streamline of unconsciousness
School of mindless blurs
Barely part of this world
The stream congested with falsity

Clouded in darkness
Trapped in murky sediment
Moving one after another;
same rate, same time

Never knowing what to wonder
Never wondering what to know
Never growing or changing
Never living with intent

A ray of sun peeks through the sky
Hitting the stream on it's sweet spot
Reflecting a rainbow
For the world to see

And one by one
The puzzle falls apart
The radiant light dances
On the ripples of water

Each piece breaking away
Defying nature
Starting its own path;
its own flow

Opening their eyes
It's all crystal clear
Sensational revelation
Finally becoming

The uniformity of the subdued population
Has now reconstructed
Into a harmonious habitation of autonomy
And a world of individualistic thought

Watching the stream I remove my sunglasses
and continue on the path basking in the sunlight.

I wave hello

I wave hello to the punks and the sluts
There goes Nicki Minaj on a fire truck
I wave hello to the janitor guy
Darell’s the name keys jingle by
I like the boy on the scooter
He waves to me
before he crashes in the tree
By the time I get there to check it out
He’s already on his paper route
Post that crazy shiz on da blog
I'm makin music vids as I walk the dog
The boom’s on my shoulder
My life be like
I wave goodbye
And steal the bike
It’s a race I’m winning I’m winning
Flat tire, Flat jack
Time for second breakfast

***rap to the tune of “The Dumbest Thing I Have Ever Written”

Counting Down

Our days are numbered.
We are almost done;
almost won.
Watching our final achievement approach--
closer, closer.
Glimpses are all we know,
waiting for awareness.
Stuck in the binds of anticipation;
of frustration.
The sands run slowly,
but my heart beats fast.

The open road lies before us,
but we are left static;
left erratic.
Packing up our pasts,
to make room for our futures.
Tasting freedom on our tongues,
but our taste buds are tinged with a bitter note.
Memories flash past,
gone too fast
Auld Lang Syne lingers,
But our fingers are on fast forward.

Everything we want
personifies smoke;
is it a joke?
Visually attractive,
yet somehow intangible.
The reality of the situation
has yet to set in.
Time flashes before our eyes,
need to realize.
Thirteen years of dreams
are about to come true.

Taking my final walk
My saunter seems to slow;
all alone.
Crossing the finish line,
Awarded with personal triumph.
The room is silent; still
within my blurry vision.
My unsteady legs come to a stop;
nearly drop.
I finally grasp the ticket
to the rest of my life.

Perspective

I found this picture online and really like it. Thought I would share :) It reminds me how truly fortunate I am.

Rebirth

What does it even matter
The thoughts in my head refute
A tear rolls down my face
I am losing this race

Values are subjective
I need what is best for me
Auspicious thoughts fill my head
But falling flat is what I dread

Preparing to secede
But I am not yet done
My time is not long
I must be strong

My potential lies in the distance
My longing hand reaches out
As I turn over a new leaf
I have new found belief

For better or for worse
This is the only way I know
My obstacles are like friends
I will continue until the end

Behind Closed Eyes

Your eye lids seal you off from the rest of the world. You can dive into the pool of thoughts contained in your brain and conjure up anything you want. You can see into the future. You can reflect on the past. When you close your eyes, there are no limits. There are no hurdles in your way. The world is laid out for you; you just have to decide how you want to use it. When you close your eyes you stop your innermost thoughts from spilling out for everyone to hear; a container for your wildest fantasies and deepest feelings. A filter that allows you to decide what can come out and what must stay in. Every time you close your eyes, for just a blink or for a long sleep, you unlock the door to yourself. When you close your eyes you simply see blackness, but beyond that blackness is the mystery of yourself waiting to be unraveled.

Nothing But A Memory

Dust swirls encircle me,
Missing in the shadows.
Forced into solitude,
Like an old broken toy.

Endlessly wandering,
Whispers fade to silence
As I attempt to advance.
Replaced, there is no room.

A race to get off the road,
Is it really so bad?
Slow down, Let me catch up.
A speck in your rearview mirror.

As the world pulls you ahead,
New life, new town, new memories.
I continue alone on this one-way street
Farther and farther from your future.

With nothing but faded photographs,
I continue to walk.

I am Ready

I was born a Roman Catholic. Baptized as a little baby, unaware of what was happening. I went to CCD classes in second grade where

I was taught about the stories in the Bible, but I didn't comprehend them and I hardly remember any at all. I

made my first holy communion in my little white dress even though I didn't understand the significance. I picked my confirmation name, Cecilia, completely arbitrarily. I made my first confessions to childish things like accidentally losing my dad's favorite pen. I was "religious" --but not really. Then again who is at age 7? After that my religious life went downhill. I can count on one hand the number of times that I have gone to church

since then. None of what I did in my younger years holds any value anymore. But I wish more than anything that it still did. I want to be religious.

I am attracted to religious people because I wish I was them. I want that rock; that constant support and guidance in my life. I'm ready for it. But I'm not ready for it. I want and try so hard to believe in God, but the idea is so unbelievable and amazing that I can't even fathom it. I don't want to go to church just to go through the motions; I want to feel it and believe it. Sometimes I

want to pray for a sign, but I can't pray to God if I'm questioning

his existence. I need proof. I don't even know if I am truly Roman Catholic. I know my beliefs morally, but I don't know how that relates religiously. I don't know who I am or where I stand. I don't want force-fed religion like when I was younger. I need to know my options so I can decide what I believe. Does it even matter if I'm Catholic or Lutheran or Orthodox or Mormon or Presbyterian?

Does the label make a difference?

I don't even know what the differences are. I am lost in a religious jungle without a map or even a sense of direction. And I'm afraid that I will never be able to find my way out.

Disconnected

The bodies are forced in replay from day to day
Sometimes the world stops and falls away
And I'm still here
All my things have dissappeared

The materials walk away and i dont miss them
I try to understand while my mind turns numb
You don't have to wait for me
In this new solitude i feel free

Alone and disconnected
There is someone else here too, but they are silhouetted
They don't have a name or a face
But atleast i know they are in this place

I return to real as my mind patiently heals
The passage softens and I visit back often
I pray it captures me again
There is no justice in this pen

You're empty but you're still there
I wonder if you care
And can you hear me?

Sherbet

My new food obsession is sherbet. I love it and eat it all of the time. My obsession started partially because I love frozen treats and partially because I am sick and it feels so good and refreshing on my throat. I feel like sherbet is the sort of underdog of frozen desserts. Ice cream gets all of the glory. And don't get me wrong, I am a HUGE ice cream fan, but I think we just need to give sherbet a chance. My favorite brand is the Walmart Great Value kind. It is so creamy and fruity and delicious. I also feel healthier eating sherbet because the package says fat free. Even though it still is packed with sugar. I love the raspberry flavor the most. Closely followed by orange. But while Google image searching for the above photos, I found out that there is also pineapple and peach! It's like a whole new world of sherbet that I was never exposed to before now. I can't wait to try them all! So the moral of the story is, give sherbet a chance because its a nice switch up from ice cream and comes in many delicious flavors.

The City of Lights

A couple days ago I had an interesting and devastating dream. Normally I dont even remember my dreams and if I do they are forgotten quickly. Usually i dream of being kidnapped, my biggest fear. This dream was different. I haven't been able to forget about it I just keep remembering it. I told a few people about it, but I still kept thinking about it so I decided to blog it out and get it off my chest.

It was the end of the world/cleansing of the earth. The entire earth/land turned to water, but we weren't drowning. The land had shallow parts with little islands just under the surface of the water so we were fine. Then the most beautiful, indescribable and amazing lights anyone had ever saw appeared in the distance in a nearby city. My dad knew we had to go to the lights. He said something like if there is anything that pretty and touchable we want to be by it, and we dont want to be the ones in the darkness. We followed him because he was so sure that we needed to leave our current town. Before we left we tried to convince other families to come with us to "the city of lights". No one wanted to leave their homes. In their mind they were happy where they were. Everything was going perfect. Why would they leave their homes to go to an unusual and unfamiliar place. They didn't know what the lights were and they were too scared for the change. My family left. When we arrived at the lights they were beautiful and the land was great. We were very happy and glad we had gone to the lights. Then a giant monsterous and evil shark/whale came flying out of the water right below our family. It disappeared shooting up so high it went through the clouds. What goes up must come down so we knew it would come back right to us. I started swimming for my life so fast I was so scared. I heard my dad calling to me "no cait come back we have to stay by the lights" I knew if I stayed the shark would eat me. I kept swimming. I was terrified, swimming so fast I barely noticed the shark swimming downstream toward all the people who didn't go to the lights and me! my family was safe. It wasn't until this moment when the location of "the city of lights" became obvious. It was on the top of a mountain. It was higher than all the other lands, and all the rest was downhill. So why would the shark turn around and swim up a mile to eat my family when he could just swim down the mountain and eat the rest of the world. It was so obvious at this point but before I was sure that the shark would eat us at the lights. At this moment of realization I never felt so bad in my entire life. I felt like a traitor and that I had betrayed my family. I felt so bad that I was so prideful. I thought I knew everything and I only trusted myself and my own instinct. I didn't have faith and I didn't listen. I was just crying and crying as I was swimming as fast as I could knowing that I would soon be eaten by the shark. I have never regreted anything this much before, and there was no turning back. If I turned around I would be inbetween the shark and the people down below. I wouldn't stand a chance.

At this point the dream ended and I woke up. I was just crying and crying after I woke up in my bed. I felt so bad, the same way I felt in the dream even when I was awake. A feeling of emptiness and dissappointment. It was really a humbling experience, and I knew that I didn't know everything I thought I did. Now usually when I wake up from a dream then fall back asleep I can never finish the dream and sometimes I even want to know what happens but I never can. But this time, strangely, I did.

This part of the dream was a little blurry to me, but somehow I was saved I stayed ahead of the shark and kept swimming while it stopped to eat all the others in the world and I made it all the way back up to the lights. When I was reunited with my family they were all crying and hugging me. I was so lucky and they were so grateful. It was my second chance. They kept saying you're getting a second chance. I was so happy that I was okay but I was still a little shaken up about the whole experience and was not myself. I told my family how the shark ate everyone in the world and it was only our little family and the others that were at the city of lights. Then Nicole, my sister, recieved a text message and said that she had just heard from her friend danny that he was fine down at the bottom. I was so confused I saw the shark eat everyone. Then she assured me that he went inside a building along with a few others when they saw the shark coming.

Then I felt like I was in a seperate dream, or even real life. I was warming up at an indoor track meet with the others on my team. It was a huge and very important meet and everyone was very serious and intense, nervously warming up and getting ready to run. I kept trying to tell everyone about the whole story, because it was all I could think about, kind of like right now. Everyone kept telling me to be quiet and ignoring me. They didn't care or undersdtand why I would be making up this nonsense when they were too busy with their own lives and the meet. I was slowly turning invisible and each person I told acknowledged me less until eventually they couldn't hear me anymore. Then out of now where my english teacher, who would never be at a track meet, stood up and said "now who heard about that whale shark?" everything paused and everyone stopped and looked at me. They were all amazed that I was right about the whole story and they didn't believe before but now they knew.

Hatin' on Valentine's Day Haters

I realize that this post is a little late for Valentine's day, but I just didn't get around to posting until now. I love Valentine's day. And I'm not really sure how you couldn't love it. Parties. Cards. Love in the air. Free candy. Any holiday with free food is a good one in my book. But still some people just hate Valentine's day. Some because it's a "Hallmark holiday". Which is partially true. There is no historical/religious value to it. But I think love is prevalent enough in everyone's lives to have its own holiday. Everyone is loved and/or loves someone else. Other people hate it because they don't have a valentine to share it with. Which is kinda stupid. I don't have a valentine and I still greatly appreciate the holiday. I think the people who hate it because they don't have a valentine are just throwing themselves a little pity party and just looking for attention by proclaiming their lack of a valentine. Get over yourself. Just eat your candy hearts and be happy. You may not have a "valentine", but you are loved. Whether you know it or not. Valentine's day should be celebrated by everyone. Save your hatin' for St.Patrick's day.

This is Country Music

Country Music is very underrated. They aren’t derogatory towards women and actually tend to have meaning. Don’t get me wrong I like rap and hip-hop but it’s all about sex and drugs. Country is always a nice change to listen and I am about to tell you why. Here is country music at a glimpse:

Some songs are about struggles that others have to go through:

“Temporary Home” – Carrie Underwood

“Young mom on her own.
She needs a little help, got nowhere to go.
She's lookin' for a job, lookin' for a way out,
Because a half-way house will never be a home.
At night she whispers to her baby girl,
Someday we'll find our place here in this world.”

Some are just feel good songs:

“Toes”- Zac Brown Band

“I got my toes in the water, ass in the sand

Not a worry in the world, a cold beer in my hand

Life is good today, life is good today.”

Songs of love:

“Our kind of love” Lady Antebellum

Just like driving on an open highway
Never knowing what we're gonna find
Just like two kids, baby, always trying to live it up
Whoa, yeah, that's our kind of love
Mhm that's our kind of love.”

Songs of heartbreak:

“Lucky Girl”-Kellie Pickler

“Lucky Boy

Did you tell her she’s your second choice?

‘cause I wouldn’t be your little toy.

Ain’t no man inside her lucky boy.”

Songs telling a story:

“Baby Girl” Sugarland

"Dear Mom and Dad,
I’ll send money. I’m so rich that it ain’t funny.
It oughtta be more than enough to get you through.
Please don’t worry 'cause I’m all right,
I’m stayin’ here at the Ritz tonight
Whaddya know, we made our dreams come true.
And there are fancy cars and diamond rings,
But you know that they don't mean a thing.
They all add up to nothin' compared to you.
Well, remember me in ribbons an' curls.
I still love you more than anything in the world...
Love,
Your baby girl."

Songs respecting women:

“Waiting on a woman” Brad Paisley

“It’ll be the same with your young wife

Might as well go on and get used to it,

She’ll take her time ‘cause you don’t mind.

Waitin’ on a woman.”

Songs proudly saying where they came from:

“Small town USA” –Justin Moore

“Give me Saturday night, my baby by my side.

A little Hank Jr. and a six pack of lights,

Old dirt road and I’ll be just fine.

Give me a Sunday morning full of grace

A simple life and I’ll be okay here in small town USA.”

Songs embracing their country-ness:

“We Rode in Trucks”- Luke Bryan

“It was huntin’ and fishin’ and football games.

Then it was girls, and everything changed, in our lives.

Fallin’ in and out of love, we rode in trucks.”

Songs with life messages/advice, these are my favorite lyrics:

“Love Like Crazy”- Lee Brice

“Be your best friend, tell the truth, and overuse I love you.

Go to work, do your best, don’t outsmart your common sense.

Never let your praying knees get lazy

And love like crazy.”

Songs about relaxing and enjoying life (usually with a beer):

“Pretty Good at Drinking Beer”- Billy Currington

“So hand me one more,

That’s what I’m here for, I’m built for having a ball.

I love the nightlife, I love my budlight.

I like em’ cold and tall.”

Songs about America:

“American Ride”- Toby Keith

“That’s us, that’s right,

Gotta love this American Ride.

Both ends of the ozone burnin’

Funny how the world keeps turnin’

Look ma, no hands, I love this American ride.”

Songs reflecting life:

“House that built me”- Miranda Lambert

“You Leave home, you move on,

And you do the best you can.

I got lost in this whole world

And forgot who I am.”

Songs about finding yourself:

“American Honey”- Lady Antebellum

“There’s a wild, wild whisper blowing in the wind.

Calling out my name like a long lost friend.

Oh, I miss those days as the years go by,

Oh, nothing’s sweeter than summertime,

And American honey.”

Songs about working hard:

“Farmer’s Daughter”- Rodney Atkins

“I was haulin’ hay and feedin’ the hogs

And that summer sun had me sweatin’ like a dog,

So I cooled off in the creek.

Then it was back to work in the daggum heat.

I was cussin’ out loud, thinkin’ bout quittin’

Lookin’ back now I’m sure glad I didn’t

Cuz just when I thought it couldn’t get no hotter,

I caught glimpse of the farmer’s daughter.

This is why I love country music. Country music rarely swears, they are proud of who they are. Artists appreciate other country artists and don’t have huge egos. They are proud of each other on successes. I understand you might not like country music, but I do believe everyone has a “hillbilly bone” inside of them.

don't ask what the meaning of life is. you define it.

“Life is not a final. It’s daily pop quizzes.” – Unknown

Everyone is obsessed with finding the meaning to life. The secret that makes it all easy. The secret is to stop looking for the secret. Life isn’t based on a textbook; it is spontaneous and changing every day. There is no deep complex meaning. But there is a right and wrong way to live your life. The following paragraphs are parts of what I believe to be the right way to live.

“When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries of life disappear and life stands explained” – Mark Twain

Understand that life is 90% mental and 10% physical. When you are trying to do something you need actually physically be able to do it. Just a little bit. The majority of the work comes from your mental stability and your attitude towards the situation. Ex) “This volunteer work is going to be so stupid and boring” – person has a boring time, has no fun, and gets nothing out of it. “This volunteer work is going to be so cool, fun, and fulfilling!” – person has a good time and feels enlightened. If you think you can do it, you most likely will. You just need to psyche yourself up for things. Be excited and happy about everything. It works.

“In the book of life, the answers aren’t in the back” – Charlie Brown

Just live your life. If you are worrying about how you are living your life and if it’s correct or not, then you are just wasting time. You only have one life, so live it up. Don’t sit back and watch your life fly by, jump up and enjoy the ride. Do things you enjoy and will be proud of. There is no one who can tell you if you are doing it right or wrong, so do it how you want to do it.

“Follow your heart, but be quiet for a while first. Ask questions, and then feel the answer. Learn to trust your heart.” – Unknown

In your life you should do what you want; follow your heart. Have fun and go crazy. But you need to have a focus. Long term plans and goals. College, career, family, etc. You should have a loose outline of your life so it isn't total chaos. But the details will fill themselves in. Always be open for change and don’t get discouraged if your plans do change. Change is good. It switches things up and keeps you on your toes. Same is boring and stupid because you never learn anything.

“Human life is purely a matter of deciding what’s important to you” – Anonymous

We all get stressed at some point. No matter how carefree you try to be, it happens to the best of us. In times like this you need to take a step back out of your tiny everyday life and visualize the big picture. Will this little insignificant test/meeting/project/job really change your life in the long run? Is it worth it to get worried over? Do you care about it? Now if it will affect your whole life then you have good reason to be crazy stressed until it’s over. But more often than not, it doesn’t really matter outside of the present moment. I’m not saying you shouldn’t do your homework, just sometimes you need to pick and choose what is important to you.

So that basically sums up my outlook on life. My guidelines to living a sane, healthy, respectable life. But keep in mind this has zero credibility because I’m just a little girl. But I think it’s pretty good stuff for just a little girl.

“Let go of the past and go for the future. Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you imagined” - Henry David Thoreau

Did I Leave Enough?

Here it is, I never thought it would come
Looking back now, What have I done
I can’t leave yet, Even though I’m ready
I didn’t leave enough, Little worth remembering

It was my fault , I’m rushing around trying to heal
Finishing touches not complete , I thought I was but I wasn’t real
The things I must do, It’s almost too late
But I have enough , Once I’m gone none remains

I want to run away , But it doesn’t feel right
It’s not time , What I never did, now I might
The things I never did or said, The things I never gave
The ones who needed me , And the ones I never saved

The time I wasted , I can’t replay
I’ll fix everything now, If there’s a way
The opportunities I missed, I promise I’m sorry
The doors I wouldn’t open, I know you’ll forgive me

I was scared, I have changed
Please help me a little, And I’ll do what’s in range
They might forget, But I will not
What they never found, And what they taught

I’ll never have the chance, Once I leave this town
It’s now or never, I’m letting out what I kept deep down
Tell me I made a difference, But you don’t have to lie
Tell me this time meant something, Before I have to say goodbye

Life